Excerpts From A Book I'll Never Write

Excerpt #54

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like I stepped into the empty void, which I thought had all the answers before. I have no idea, and all I feel is worry. I should have some idea by now, and I thought I did. My dream before seems unlikely and the one after that has too many places it could come crumbling down; like a house setting on bad foundation. I have this thought of what my life will be like, what I want my life to be like. That dream is starting to feel less and less like a reality, which I thought it could become. In my dream I have an apartment, and a roommate who I am a best friend with, and in our apartment we have a room where an entire wall is a bookshelf. I dream of friendship and knowledge and acceptance and I'm terrified none of it will come true. I have a dream in which the job I really want to have, works out for me, but I can't comprehend the actuality of success. That idea of living my dream is scary, because what if I work so hard to get to my dream and fail? What will I do then, do I need a backup plan or does that mean I'm already assuming failure? All of this runs through my head as I look around this empty void, wishing for answers. How do I decide what I do for the rest of my life, if I haven't even decided what on who I am yet? I don't want to get stuck in this void, but I don't know how to get out.

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I'm too tired and stressed to write anything. Enjoy
-Mary