Excerpts From A Book I'll Never Write

Excerpt #43

One of the worst feelings in my opinion is when you're upset about something you have no right to be upset about. When you see a person you broke up with, with someone else and it just crushes you a little bit. You know you shouldn't feel like that because you're the reason you're not together anymore, but you just weren't ready to see them with someone else. You just weren't ready for it; it takes you by surprise and knocks the wind out of you. All you can do is stand awkwardly and wish with everything in you that you can forget that you saw them for just a little while, but you can't. All you can think about is if they came with that person as a friend or if they're together now, or if they thought that you looked nice, or if they even noticed you at all. You can't help but wonder where they are or what they're doing for the rest of your night. It makes you angry that you shouldn't even be angry, you should be fine because what did you expect to happen when you dated and broke up with someone? That they wouldn't bring a different girl to a school dance, or that they would continue living life just without you in it, alone? I think what makes it worse though is that you didn't go with a date. It makes you feel inferior to them, because you're the one that ended the whole thing, shouldn't you have moved on too? You suddenly feel so lonely when a minute before you were on top of the world.

Before we started dating I thought he was my best friend because he made me so happy and I loved being around him, just seeing him in the hallways everyday brought me joy. Now I haven't spoken to him like we're close friends since we broke up, I think that's what hurts the most. I miss him so much, I miss the hugs, I miss the feeling that someone actually listened and cared about what I had to say, made me feel wanted, and most of all a person who didn't care what I looked like because he thought I was enough just being myself. I wish we were still friends and that I still felt all those things, and I don't know if that will ever happen again. I wish I could say that I thought things would get better but at this point I just hope he talks to me again someday.

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Author's Note:
Thank you for reading! I'm very excited because I'm getting my hair cut soon and maybe getting some crazy colors!!!!
I'll be back soon! ( what I say everytime I upload)
-Mary