The Artist, The Canvas and The Subject

Chapter 9 Part 1

Camila left shortly after the promise of a date, she kissed Lauren one last time goodnight and waved as she walked out of her bedroom door. Closing it gently she pressed her forehead against it and smiled as she felt her lips still tingling from their kisses. Her moment of bliss was replaced with one of terror as she heard a throat clear behind her and she jumped turning around to find herself face to face with Dinah.

"So?" Dinah questioned immediately with wide eyes as she continued to bite her nails and tap her foot impatiently waiting for Camila to respond.

"She is okay - I mean she didn't really talk about why she ran out of my room crying, mainly we just kissed and she asked me on a date. But oh my god she is a good kisser, she does this thing where-" Camila began to get sidetrack, her mind already eager to replay the memories of tonight over and over again.

"Camila, focus, please." Dinah groaned and reached out to hold Camila's shoulders in an attempt to stop her thoughts from continuing to wonder.

"Oh right, sorry. Before I left she said she wanted to speak to you so maybe you should go in there and figure it out for yourself," Camila informed with a small smile, glad that Lauren was willing to communicate with Dinah again. "She needs someone who truly understands her because right now I don't think she even understands herself - she kept saying nothing made sense."

Letting out a relieved sigh she thanked Camila before hugging her and then leading her back to the door. As soon as Camila left, Dinah begun to pace in front of Lauren's door, glancing at it nervously, grabbing a hold of the door knob and then flinching away from it only to then repeat the whole process a few moments later.

"Come on. It's just Lauren. Just open the door and talk, you know how to talk." Dinah encouraged herself and nodded her head in a final decision to finally walk through the door. She stood up straight, determination written all over her features as she finally gained the courage to open the door. The room was dark aside from the gentle rays of moonlight that streamed into the room that allowed her to identify Lauren's silhouette sitting in the centre of her bed.

"Lauren?" Dinah spoke softly and took tentative steps towards Lauren, gently lowering herself on the bed beside her as she waited for Lauren to say something.

"I use to be scared of the dark, you know? I use to be afraid of the silence and the thought of not being able to see what exactly hid in the shadows. Everything became enhanced in the darkness, every sound magnified, every paranoid thought encouraged - my body reacted without thinking rationally, rather reacted purely on fear." Dinah listened intently to every word Lauren spoke, knowing this was her way of exploring and organising her thoughts. In times like this, Dinah knew she need only listen to help Lauren.

"Now it's the other way around. I fear the light and welcome the darkness. In the darkness I can hide from Lucy, she doesn't see me so she can't judge me. I can accept she is dead because I don't see her at the corner of the coffee shop we use to sit together at every morning and make stories up about other people. I can think clearly because her voice isn't echoing in my head replaying all the times she told me she loved me. I can process rationally instead of fearing that every stranger I pass could be her coming back to me and saying she forgives me." Dinah felt Lauren turn to face her and she offered an encouraging smile once their eyes met.

"Dinah, I am so sorry about the things I said. I-"

"I know you didn't mean them, it's okay. If anything I'm glad that you managed to find your way back to being the Lauren I know. You were starting to freak me out." Dinah dismissed Lauren's apology quickly, not wanting her to feel any more guilt than what she must already be harbouring.

"No, Dinah it's not okay. You're the last person that deserves to be treated like that - the things I said are unforgivable and I don't blame you if you don't want to be around me anymore. I would be lost without you...I would most likely be dead without you. You have been with me through everything. You have picked me up when I didn't even want to breath. You have fought for me on days where I wanted to throw everything away. You helped me through Lucy's death, something every therapist I saw gave up on. I know she is dead, you helped me understand that. You also made me understand that I deserve to be happy, that I deserve to move on. I'm so sorry I freaked out earlier-" Lauren reached out to hold onto one of Dinah's hands, needing the physical reassurance that her best friend was still there despite the fight they had.