Penitent - on hold

Chapter 6

I gulped, ''I'm sorry, Zach, I-''

''No, no, don't be silly, Sal.'' He cut me off, as he chuckled, ''I'm actually very glad you've said that. Gosh, I thought I was the only one who felt that way, you know? Like I was the only one who felt all friendly-like towards you, while you were having real feelings for me. It's good that you don't, though, I couldn't live with the thought I had hurt you.''

Every word and syllable he spoke out loud were like a stab to my already shattered heart. How could he say that? Aren't his feelings for me real? Even if they're only friendly-like, as he put it, aren't they supposed to be real and honest?

Has it all been a lie?

''So... uh... when we kissed-''

''I know, I know. I shouldn't have done that. I guess that's what happens when wolf takes a control over my rational mind. Can you believe that? The two of us actually together? It's ridiculous to even consider it. I mean, it would be so weird, fuck.''

I didn't know what to say. Didn't he feel what I felt during the kiss? Had he not said he wanted to kiss me so badly? You don't kiss someone just because you feel like it. You mainly want to kiss someone because you truly want to, no matter what intention.

''Y-Yeah.'' I stutter a bit, ''That's exactly what I said.''

He smiled even wider, ''I'm so glad we've solved this. Well, almost. I think we shouldn't tell our parents. They intend to be really strict when it comes to these sort of things, as you know. I don't think they'd understand us. There is still one problem, though.''

Only one?, ''What is it?''

''The mate pull,'' Said he, ''it's strong, I can feel it. But it's all unnatural, right? Those aren't real feelings, it's just something our inner wolves feel like. I know the bond cannot be broken, but we can try and learn how to disregard it. If we tell our minds it's not real, then we can continue to live with that. And that's why I think we should give ourselves a little break.''

''What? W-What break?'' I choked out, not believing a word he was saying.

''You know how couples do it all the time? Like, they're together and they just stop and agree to take a pause. We should do that with our friendship, you know?''

I furrow my eyebrows, ''So... you don't want to be friends with me anymore?''

''No! No, no, no,'' He reaches me in a second, takes my small hands in his, ''of course not. I would never want to lose you as a friend. You mean too much to me, Sal.'' I almost smile at this. Almost.

''Then what do you suggest?''

He shrugs, ''We can hang out, just not all the time. I'd prefer I don't come to your place for awhile now. I don't really trust my wolf around you. And if you want to, we can eat lunch separated as well.''

Why on Earth would I want that?

''So what do you say?'' He asks and I picked up the courage to look at him. I still didn't know what to say. Whatever I'd say, it'd be for nothing. He thinks I'm completely fine with this when the truth was a whole lot different. But this was something he wanted. He wanted his freedom, he wanted a normal life without bearing a thought of being a werewolf and soon-to-be an Alpha of our pack.

He just wanted to be Zach Powell. The star of our basketball team. The most wanted guy in our school. The guy who doesn't hide his potential and seeks for the spot among the best. I, on the other hand, was a thing that was stopping him from having that. Me - the person who was supposed to be there for him, always and forever, right by his side. And now I'm supposed to be the person who has to let him go, just so he can chase after his dreams. Dreams without me.

''Okay.''

However, it wasn't okay. It seemed like my whole world just came to the end and no light on the end of the tunnel could be seen.

*  *  *

Later that day, I was quick to leave the school and people altogether. I couldn't force myself to face anyone and I figured Zach didn't really want to see me so I made my own way to my sweet and beloved home. Of course, instead of the usual ten-minute ride, I ended up walking half an hour before giving up and turning my human body into a wolf and sprinting to the house like my life depended on it. As expected, my mother was there, whilst my father had been taking care of the business with our Alpha Nathan. She seemed to acknowledge my lack of enthusiasm I'd normally carry with me, but did not question it and for that I was thankful.

I wanted nothing more but to jump on my bed and sleep for a few hours, but I have a habit of doing my homework right after I come from school, therefore that's exactly what I've been doing for the past hour and a half now. Since I'm already feeling down, it didn't really help me with solving my math problems at all. 

After a while, I had finally finished my homework and went straight to the bed. Unfortunately, sleep I expected to come soon didn't come as I wished. I tossed around, turned from side to the side, thinking of the conversation I'd had with Zach earlier this day. It broke my heart to see him so happy, so freaking happy to know he's not the only one who doesn't have any sort of feelings for me whatsoever. And the worst thing is he actually believed my lie. He didn't see through me, like he'd always do. He didn't see how hard it was for me to say those words, agreeing to something I never would. Not to be friends with him. Or, as he would like to put it, take a break from our friendship.

What from, though? Why would we possibly have to take a break from? From our memories we had as kids, where both of us would run around, play hide and seek and all sort of games, and talk how cool it'd be to turn into a wolf and be even faster? From our memories when Zach got his first Play Station and we played games for hours, before his mom would come in and tell us it's too late and that we have to go to sleep? From those nights when we'd lay together in the bed and he'd either hold my hand or hug me tightly because he remembers the fear of dark I used to have? Or from million of others things we used to do and embraced it as ours? 

What fucking from?

Not even realising, I already started crying my soul out, the soft and dry pillow beneath my head was now sodden from all the tears I let out. And somehow, I couldn't find a way to stop them. I couldn't find a way how to get over this, but most of all over the fact that my best friend doesn't need me in any way.

Probably for the first time in my life, my best friend was the reason of my own tears.

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I'm back!! I want to say I'm so sorry for not writing for a month now, but I do have a reason! If you hadn't seen a message I left on my profile, do know that the reason I haven't been updating was because I was out of my town this whole time. I was at my cousins, enjoying my vacation, going out every night and I rarely had a time to write. So, for that, I am sorry! I'll now continue to update regularly and hopefully, more oftenly. So please bear with me!

Don't forget to vote and please leave a comment so I know you're actually into this story! Lots of love,

xoxo