Rusty

Back At My Old Habits

"You fucking bastard!" Jessie screamed
"Jessie it was a mistake"
"Just like the last time you fucked some girl"
"Jessie she was just some girl it doesn't mean anything"
"Oh I'm sorry to ruin your player ways" she screamed then she stormed out. Well I guess I was back to being my old self. She was a girl at a party and we had been making out and the next thing I know I'm laying there as Jessie storms in screaming her head off and that's where this started.

Two weeks later I was back at home trying to play with blue not eating or sleeping
Again
The goat was outside and had a ruthless hatred for the puppy that ruthlessly herded her and her now grown baby around the yard with abandon. When me and Jessie had gotten back together I had lost 20lbs. I was now up or should I say down 32.

Most of my friends had abandoned me after my last foray and I was back to hating Florida. It seemed my only friend was Toby and blue.

I saw Jessie at a get together if our parents. And her new boyfriend, he seemed to be a decent guy but hated me. I walked out onto the porch and pulled out my pocket knife and cut half a dozen striped on my arm. The pain cleared my mind and gave me enough clarity to get through the night.

The first thing I do in the mornings now is flex my shrunken muscles to crack and reopen the scabbed over cuts across my arms and legs. And I usually add new ones at a daily rate.

After I saw Jessie at school one day. She threw her drink at me and called me a cheating son of a biche in the cafeteria. I walked out of there and sat by the wall of the school. And for the first time in years I cried tears of pain and anguish. Jessie and her friends walked by.
"Oh look the cheater finally realizes what I lost."
"Jessie we are done so I'm not gonna say I'm sorry again"
"Oh finally realized lies don't work on me"
"I'm not doing this"
I just walked away and hid in the box if my truck where for the first time in days I slept!
I woke up and drove home and parked the truck and went inside and passed out in my bed. I woke the next morning angry so I smashed the picture of us at the coco beach pier and I picked up a piece of glass and I stared at it for a while before plunging it into my right wrist right below my hand and cut down to the bone and back 3/4 of the way to my elbow and did the saw to my left wrist. I watched the. Dark red blood pool in my hands. Then I fell and got dizzy and in a silly thought got mad at myself for spilling the blood. As my vision went dark I heard my mom scream.