Tourist Trap

Chapter 11

"Deal!" the bulldog shouted. "I'm Timmy by the way! Pleased to meet you!" 

Zeke and Max introduced themselves and climbed into the cart. 

"Off we go!" Timmy shouted excitedly. 

"Uh, sorry to bother you," Max said. "But Skip lives in the other direction." 

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Off we go!" Timmy took off at a run wagging his stubby little tail behind him as he pulled the cart.  

Max sat back in his seat and exhaled loudly. "It's too bad we had to rush out of the museum. I really wanted to check out that new exhibit. Plus there's lots of other cool stuff you missed out on." 

"Yeah?" Zeke asked. "Like what?" 

"Well, I always get a kick out of the god-helmet, although I can usually only tolerate it in very short bursts. Makes you a little insane if you leave it on too long." 

"What does it do?" 

"Well, basically it expands your consciousness to omniscient levels. It starts out slowly. You start gaining perspectives outside of your own limited worldview. The longer you keep it on the more information comes rushing into your noggin. I imagine if you kept it on long enough you'd know damn near everything. Of course I have to take it off long before it ever gets to that point. Our brains are only wired to handle a certain amount of information. If you fill them up too full I suspect they'd probably pop. As it is I've gotten some nasty headaches from some of my more intense sessions." 

"Hmm," Zeke said. "That does sound pretty cool. I'd like to know everything. It'd be nice to be able to understand all that complex math and science stuff that's completely meaningless to me. Or for that matter figure out the meaning of life. And maybe best of all I'd know what it was like to be with Sarah. Then again, I suppose I would be forced to know what it was like to have sex with Vance, too. Or you for that matter. Gross. I don't suppose there's any getting around that. Knowing everything does mean you have to know everything. There's no picking and choosing I suppose." 

"That is true," Max agreed. "It also has a way of becoming confusing rather than enlightening. I always have trouble when I start noticing all sorts of inherent paradoxes. After all, as you start escaping your individual perspective, things that you hold as absolute undeniable truths start seeming like somewhat subjective beliefs. You start seeing both sides of issues and things that are seemingly contradictory start becoming simultaneously true. Black is white, up is down, no is yes. I particularly like to make use of that last tidbit of information when I encounter ladies who are resistant to me." 

"I'm glad to see you're putting your expanded consciousness to such good work," Zeke said. 

"I do my best," Max smiled. "I'll tell you what though, you can get some pretty weird notions in your head sometimes when wearing the god-helmet. Last time I tried it I was convinced that I, and indeed everyone around me, were just characters in the twisted narrative of a book being written by some sick fuck. Is that a crazy idea or what?" 

"That's pretty ridiculous," Zeke agreed. "Hey, I've got a crazy idea.  What if we used the god helmet to figure out where Dr. Octavius is?"

"You think I haven't already thought of that?" Max snorted.  "The problem is it's too hard to stay focused on tiny little insignificant details when you have the answers to all the mysteries of the cosmos at your fingertips.  I tried to remember where I left my house keys one time and all of a sudden I was understanding the nature of dark matter.  The location of the keys didn't really hold my attention after that."

"Yeah, I guess that is a problem," Zeke said.

"Hey guys?" Timmy piped up. "I'm going to take a little shortcut I know about through the Southeastern quadrant. Is that okay?"