Waves {h.s.}

twenty-seven - circles

THE WEDDING WAS getting closer and closer, but every day, it didn't feel like I was making any progress with Harry. We talked about it a few times, but I think that both of us were scared to address the subject in depth. Harry had never been big on emotions and I think that admitting that he wanted to go to the wedding, or even admit that he considered it, was something that he saw as weakness. So anytime I brought up the subject, he dismissed it, said he was thinking about it and that I didn't need to bring it up again, and because I didn't want to break something in our relationship, I never pushed it further.

The days went by, then weeks went by until we were barely five days away from the wedding. At this point, I didn't believe that we were going to attend it. I just thought that Harry simply didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to disappoint, or for the same reason that he had dismissed me every time I mentioned it: he simply wanted to avoid the subject.

It came to a point where I didn't believe it would happen and I accepted that. Five days away from the big day, my chances were slim. So I let it go, even resorted to text Gemma and tell her that I didn't think it was going to happen and wanted to congratulate her from me and Harry.

I fumbled with my phone, trying to find a way to let her down easy. Harry was meeting me at my place in a few minutes and I still hadn't managed to text or call Gemma to tell her. I would start writing a word, then I would erase it, it was a repetitive dance that my fingers couldn't stop executing. I didn't have the heart to do it.

Leaned over the counter, my head resting between my hands, staring at my phone, that's how Harry found me when he entered my apartment.

"Hey. You ok?" he asked as he came up behind me and put his arms around my hips.

I felt his lips pressed delicately against my temple and I leaned into him. "I'm fine," I said before turning my head slightly and kissing him.

After a quick kiss, I closed my eyes and sighed before resting my forehead against his cheek. Then, I felt him tense up. Frowning, I opened my eyes and looked up, only to see his eyes staring at my phone screen. I knew he had seen Gemma's name.

I took in a deep breath and pulled away. "I know it's hopeless, we've been avoiding the subject for weeks, but I'm asking, one last time, five days before the wedding, but do you want to go to Gemma's wedding?"

He pulled away, turned around a walked a few steps. His hands went straight to his hair and he pulled on his roots. He walked in circles, sometimes looked at me and started to say something before rectifying himself and turning his back to me again. From the brief seconds that I got to look at him in the eyes, I saw how confused he was. I wanted to reach for him, comfort him, but when I did, Harry pried my hand away.

I bit my lower lip and sat still on my seat, waited for him to say something to me, instead of reaching for him and pushing him further away.

It took him a minute or two, but eventually he looked at me, his eyes were wet but no tears were falling. "I don't know what to do," he finally said.

Then, I understood. It confirmed what I had been thinking for a long time. Harry cared about his sister and of course he wanted to be there at her wedding, but his ego, his anger, and his fear were getting in the way. He didn't feel ready to face his parents; he didn't want to see them. He had preferred to move on without an explanation, ignore his problems.

This time, I got up from my seat and lunged myself into his arm. We collided, hard, and almost fell to the ground. Harry wrapped his arms around my waist and hid his face in my neck.

"I don't know what to do, Em. I don't know what to do," he repeated. "I don't want to see them, but I can't miss this. Help me, baby. What should I do?"

My eyes stung and I held him as hard as I could. If I was hurting him, he didn't say anything. I was out of words, couldn't find the right thing to say.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered as he saw that I wasn't saying anything.

"I don't know what to tell you, Harry," I admitted. "I can't make that decision for you. All I can tell you is that whatever you choose to do, I'll support you through it."

Once again, he pulled away, paced around in circles with tense shoulders. Then he took a deep breath and turned around. "I want to go," he finally admitted and I was so surprised that I almost choked on air.

"You do?" I asked, needing him to say it again.

He nodded, his lips brought into a thin line. "I do, but I don't- I can't see them," he specified, and I knew that he was talking about his parents.

I got a little closer to him and reach for his face, caressing it softly. He leaned into my touch and I smiled. "We'll figure out a way to make both things happen, I promise."

His hand covered mine and he turned his head to press his lips against the back of my hand. He was thanking me as he always did, through his touch. "I love you, Em," he mumbled against my hand. "I don't know what I would do without you."

I smiled and tilted my head to the side. "You'll never have to find out," I promised him.

He looked down at me. "You've changed everything for me, you know that?"

It blew my mind to hear him say that out loud. It was something that I kind of already knew because Harry was Harry and he showed me what he thought or what he felt, physically. That was one of the few things that I picked up.

But I also saw it in the way he acted, he seemed a lot more comfortable, not just with me, but with everything in his life.

He had a good job, one that he liked a lot. Every night, he would tell me all about the things that Mark taught him and he always seemed so proud of himself when he would finish a job. It almost got me excited about home repair and renovation.

And now this, the decision to go to his sister's wedding, it really proved how much he was changing and growing as a person.

"You'll come with me to the wedding, right?" He asked although I could tell that he already knew my answer.

I rolled my eyes and laughed softly. "Of course, I will, but you put me in a very delicate position," I decided to joke.

Harry's face lit up, he was picking up on my game. "How so?"

"Well, we are five days away from the wedding and I don't have a dress," I pouted before moving closer to him so that he would hold me in his arms.

That got him laughing, loud. "Surely you have a dress you can wear," he replied.

"Not to a wedding," I exclaimed, pulling away slightly so that I could look at him properly.

He groaned but I knew by the way he exaggerated it that he wasn't serious. "Fine, we'll go tomorrow. I need to buy a tie anyway," he said before leaning in to press his lips against mine.

I smiled into the kiss before grabbing both of his hands. "So we're going? Officially?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. And we won't stay long," he reminded me.

"Whatever you want," I promised, squeezing his hands.

.
.
.

It's short, I know, but it's a big turn in the story :) Hope you enjoyed it anyway. At least I managed to update in 8 days haha

I told you last week that I was lacking inspiration, but I took some time this week and figured ou what was going to happen in the next few chapters. Get ready ;) 

Thank you for your support, it means the world to me <3 You're always so nice to me and I really, truly, appreciate that. 

Lots of love, as always,
Karry xx.