Give Me Some Of That Bass // phan

Aftermath

There was no easy way to approach this, at all, but there was no way he was just going to walk out and demand that Dan talk to him; they would most definitely have him thrown out of the place or harassment or something, and he was not going to let this chance slip so easily away from him. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a text to Dan.

phil:
are you busy?

Dan let the curtain drop back into place, the light disappearing and casting his face into deep shadows again, and pulled out his phone. Even from were he was standing, Phil could visibly see the tension that crossed Dan's back and shoulders as he opened the message.

ex-lover:
a little. why?

phil:
we need to talk.
like, right now

It took a few minutes for Dan to respond.

ex-lover:
this really isn't the best time, later??

phil:
meet me by the backdoors it'll only take a few minutes. i swear

He didn't stay to see if Dan opened his message, but went to stand by the back doors that would lead out into the parking lot, and swore that if he waited any longer than five minutes, he would take it as a lost cause and leave.

He didn't know what to say. Fuck, he really hasn't thought this through, didn't have any sort of plan; how the hell had he expected this to play out, just apologize and hoped that, by some magical feat, Dan would forgive him? Stupid, he was fucking stupid and he was only going to make things worse for-

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Phil looked up and met Dan's gaze, practically shaking when he realized this was the closest they'd been to each other in the last few weeks. And Dan looked anything but glad to see him.

"I know I shouldn't have come," Phil started weakly, frantically trying to put his words together in a way that would make sense and wouldn't piss Dan off. "But I need to say this, and I need you to listen to me. At least give me that."

Dan shook his head. "If you're going to apologize to me-"

"I'm not." He ignored the weight that was beginning to shatter the bones in his chest and continued. "Look, you told me that...I didn't make you happy. The relationship we had, it was all kinds of messed up, and I have done so many things that only made it worse. And I get it, I understand why you didn't want that anymore."

"Then why are you here?" Dan asked thickly, staring at the wall beside him rather than meeting his eyes. Phil watched him dejectedly.

"Because you also said that this wasn't forever. That we could start over, and not make the same mistakes." He reached out slowly, tracing his fingertips against the back of Dan's hand. "I want to do that."

"Phil..." Dan said, pulling away from his touch. "You can't just....you can't waltz in here, give me this sympathetic speech about how messed up we were, and promise it'll be better. You can't expect me to accept that." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "This, every single miserable thing we went through? It will always be there, whether we want to change it or not, and I can't bring myself to just deal with it, like it never happened."

"And I'm not asking you to." Phil protested. "I know this is gonna leave a huge mark, and nothing I say or do, nothing we do, will erase. But that's how it's supposed to be, that's how we get better. We move on, and when things get bad, we don't avoid it like we used to."

He was pleading at this point, desperate to make Dan see his side and attempt to reconcile what they were before.

He knew they wouldn't be perfect. They never had been, and that was something they would come to terms with, because it wouldn't matter as long as they had each other.

"I hate this so much," Phil said quietly, "tiptoeing around you, pretending like I don't care whenever I see you with PJ, staring at you when you're not looking. It's killing me, and maybe you don't feel a damn thing about me anymore, but you still mean the world to me. So what else am I supposed to do, if I can't try?"

Dan didn't say anything to that, and the darkness of the backstage surrounded them like a shroud of privacy and secrets, pushing into his lungs and making him suffocate, but he didn't react. His heart was beating in his chest, and he swore he could feel it in the palms of his hands, and the soles of his feet, and quick tempo that almost made him nervous all over again.

"Dan." They both turned at the sound of a new voice, PJ standing a few feet away and staring at the pair curiously. "We're on in three minutes."

"Yeah, okay," Dan said to him, his voice catching slightly. He turned back to Phil. "I have to go."

"Wait, Dan--"

"What do you want me to say to all of that?" Dan exclaimed, stepping backwards, towards where his band mates were waiting. "Look, maybe we're just not meant for each other, okay? Maybe it never would have worked out between us, and maybe it never will."

And that was it. Dan left, and Phil stood there in that small area for what felt like years, as if he was waiting for Dan to come back and act like the whole thing had been a joke. A cruel joke, but God, he would take anything but this right now.

He didn't stay to hear them play. He didn't think he'd be able to bear that, so he exited through that back door, out into the empty alleyway between this building and the one next door, uncaring of the cold air that seeped into his clothes immediately.

***

a/n: w-what?? an update? is the world finally ending??

two months, it's been two months since i last update this, feel free to cyber bully me i deserve it, honestly. sorry for the wait, idk whY IVE HAD SM TROUBLE WITH THIS CHAPTER

time for an unreasonably long note about the recent things going on in my life !!

•i changed my username ! the long reign of fearmeplease is dead, an era has ended, and we grace this new title with a chance at daylight

•stranger things is the Trend™ rn and i'm sure everyone's watched it by now, buts it's SstILL SO GOOD?? IM STILL IN AWE??

•retrograde is so fucking lit and i'm so glad they finally put it on spotify (even tho i still bought the cd, smh)

and school starts next week, which means this story is officially a year old, and i'm still not finished with it yet, gr8.

2 more chapters ;)

okay i love you all and idk when this'll be updated next so pray for me, and see you next time peace :3