Ego

Ego: Change

Day 1 Post Harry separation (not breakup) went something like this: eat, cry, sleep, eat, cry, cry some more, and scream (into a pillow). I've had quite an eventful and tiring day.

When I finally stop screaming my head hurts a little, my jaw is still throbbing, and my throat hurts. I roll over and my phone vibrates beneath me making me jump a little.

Harry: 'How are you babe .x?'

Awful.

Me: 'I'm fine, just resting up. You?'

Harry: Oh that's good .x

He doesn't know what to say and neither do I.

Harry: Do you wanna grab lunch? I mean only if you want to.

I do want to go but I don't think I should.

Me: I can't. I have to go buy a dress for my aunts funeral.

I mean it's not a lie I do need a new black dress and something that goes to my knees.

Harry: Oh I'm sorry to hear that :( do you want me to come to with you?

Me: I would really appreciate it thank you :') oh did you go to your appointment yet?

Harry: It's no problem, that's what a good boyfriend does. And I'm going after practice. When is the funeral?

Me: after the two weeks so thirteen days from today.

Harry: Oh, okay. Will I see you before then?

Me:I would like that.

Harry: Great! Babe I gotta go the guys are yelling at me.

Me: Okay love you

Harry: *I love you FTFY (fixed that for you)

I can't remember the last time we said 'fixed that for you' when we texted 'I love you's to each other. It's always been our little thing and I'm surprised he remembered.

Suddenly a wave of nausea hits me like a ton of bricks, I think I ate to much. I gag a little and it subsides. I should have some Alka-Seltzer in my purse. When I stand is when the bile starts rising to my throat. I run to the bathroom and throw up the contents of my stomach which consisted of pancakes, cherries, cereal, chai latte, and gummy bears.

I wipe my mouth as I flush the toilet. I brush my teeth again. I look different but I can't quite put my finger about what is different.

Harry's POV

Day one post Valerie separation: I moped around the studio barely eating any of the food Liam bought. Niall gives me the Look of Death whenever I even open my mouth so I don't. I only sing my parts and that's it. I want to talk to Niall about it because I don't want him to look at me like I'm some kind of monster. But you are a monster. For once I can't disagree with the other half of my inner monologue, but no one asked for its two cents.

"I need to talk to you." Niall says quietly but loud enough that I'm the only one that hears. I nod my head too quickly. But I want Niall to talk to me I don't care if he yells at me or even hits me.

"Listen. You're one of my best friends but I will not tolerate you hitting Valerie. It took everything in me not to beat your ass the moment you walked in here. But you're my friend and I love you. Please don't make me regret not kicking your ass." He chuckles nudging my jaw lightly with his fist.

"I'm gonna make it right Niall, I promise."

"You better." He warns with a smile.

I should buy her something nice I don't know what but something nice. I sneak out early and drive back to the empty house. It's not a home when Val isn't there.

Maybe a charm bracelet, a locket, or a dozen white roses. We've been together for so long but I barely know her. I know only what she has told me like I know she loves cherries not the ones they put on hams during ThanksGiving. She hates pickles and she want kids she doesn't care how many but more than four is out of the question. I know nothing about her past. I've never met anyone in her family, and I've never even been to her house.

But she doesn't know I'm an arms dealer on the side, and I dabble in selling soft drugs like weed. Sometimes relationships need secrets in order to be healthy but our relationship is as fucked up as I am.

I order a dozen white roses and ask for one of them to be plastic. I would write what the plastic one means but I rather she hear it from my mouth.

I decide that a diamond necklace would be perfect to go with the bouquet since I'll hand deliver everything.

I sit on the bed Val and I use to share and let my mind drift but it goes to an unpleasant place. The first time I ever hit Val.

"Why are you kissing her Harry?!" She yelled as I surfed through the channels. I had just left practice, I was tired and just wanted to relax now she's in my ear yelling about nonsense.

"Valerie, you're overreacting, you're acting like I fucked her. I mean I should've she was hot." I knew I shouldn't have said that but I need her to be quiet.

"Okay so if I were to kiss some random guy it would be okay? I could tell you that you're overreacting? You can't say shit like that unless its going both ways!!" When the words escape her lips I shoot up out of my seat, who does she think is?!

"Fuck no! Have you lost whatever is left of your mind?!Obviously you have if you think you can talk to me like that, I am Harry fucking Styles and I can do whatever I want with whoever I want." That was a cocky thing to say.

"Hold the phone, you've been famous for three years and we've been dating for five, I know your name and it means nothing! You could be Leonardo Dicaprio and I would still tell you when you're wrong." I've never felt the urge to hit her more than I do right now.

"Valerie you are really pissing me the fuck off, get away from me before I do something I regret."

"Are you threatening me?!" She yells. Yell on more time Valerie I swear to God.

"It's a fucking promise. Now move." I threaten her.

"Make me!" She challenged, and that was the last straw I hit her and I got the familiar rush from when I would occasionally hit Leah. She fell to the floor with such velocity I thought she broke something. She cried hard as I towered over her heaving form.

"The next time I tell you to leave me alone you fucking do it! Because if you don't I'll make sure to repeat what happened." And repeat it did, over and over and over again.

I shake my head in order to clear my head of the unsettling thoughts, if my mum or Gemma or even Riley knew they would be so disappointed in me. I can't handle people hating me. I know for a fact that Val is not far from hating me either, one more slip up and I know she will leave me.

There's a knock on the door so I go to answer it. I'm greeted by the barrel of a 9mm.