Back To The Beginning | Marco Reus/Erik Durm

Chapter 13

Marco's P.O.V.

I kept gazing at my bag with the ring in it. Mario's words replayed in my head over and over again. You know what to do. I know what he wanted me to do. I know, what I desired to do, but I don't know, if I could actually get myself to do it.

Mario was right in what he said to me. I had to be serious about Mila, if I wanted to fight for her. It wasn't fair stringing her along, playing with her feelings.

Not that I was doing that, but I know, I have to be all in, if I give this another shot. I have to be perfect for her, because she deserves that. I don't want to give her any less. Because truly, she is the most special person I've ever met. She deserves to be with someone, who is dead serious about her. I know Erik is, but I think, I am too.

Sitting here, thinking about this, reminded me of a night Mila and I had our first huge fight about Carolin.

"What are you so upset about?" I snapped at her, slamming the front door.

Mila had thrown her shoes in the entrance and had already walked into the living room.

"What am I upset about? Really?" she screamed back at me.

At first, I got annoyed with her. She was just being dramatic. Then my eyes fell on her face. I felt a twist in my stomach, when I saw the tears streaming down her face. I excepted her to be angry, but instead, she just had this empty look in her eyes.

She licked her lips, shaking her head in frustration. Mila leaned her back towards the counter, avoid my attempt on eye contact.

"Don't you get it?" she cried silently.

"No, I really don't" I admitted, honestly.

I didn't like seeing her this way, it broke my heart.

"You can't choose between us. You're keeping the both of us aroun, because maybe you'll change your mind"

"What?"

"Carolin and me"

"That's not true! I'm with you, not with her-"

"But she's still in your life"

"I'm not the one who keeps bringing her along, I-"

"But you allow it!" Suddenly, Mila was yelling again.

She looked up at me and the look in her eyes made my heart sting. Had I done this to her?

"You don't put up a fight for me. You don't tell them to stop. You let them do this to me over and over again. You know, having her around, breaks my heart. And you let it happen" She wiped away tears, but new ones kept coming.

"Baby, I-" I started, but then my voice died off.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I had allowed too much. I was trying to keep the peace, though. Between Mila and the girls. If I told them to leave Carolin out of this, they would just go even harder on her.

But seeing how much this affected her, it made me feel awful. I walked up to her, but she didn't let me take her hand.

"Mila, I-"

"Tell me what you feel for me is real or if it's just a game? If it's real, we'll figure it out, but if it's not, then please just let me go" She cut me off.

Her voice was rasp and she was fighting to get out the words.

Let her go? I couldn't possibly do that.

I reached out for her hand, this time she allowed me to grab it.

"I love you, Mila. I want this. You're.... you're the best thing I have in my life. What I feel is real. Maybe I haven't been good at showing that, but my love towards you is very real" I said, feeling my voice crack.

"Please don't cry" I continued.

I wiped away her tears with my thumb, stroking her wet cheek afterwards. Before I could react, she'd thrown herself into my arms. I hugged her tight, almost feeling her pain.

I needed to realize that this is tearing her apart. It's breaking her down and she doesn't deserve that. I stroked her hair, cuddling her into my chest.

"I'm sorry, I'll be better. I promise" I whispered in her ear.

In that moment I decided, I was going to be the best boyfriend to Mila that I could be. Because she was the best part of my life and she deserves to feel safe and loved.

I almost felt sick thinking back on it. I learned it the hard way; some things cannot be undone. They stick with you forever. I had let her down. I had let the love of my life down. And yes, that is indeed, what Mila is to me. The love of my life.