(14) Tension

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*Warning (Again)*

This chapter has some content that may be disturbing. 

(14) Tension

I can’t believe I didn’t realize it soon. I’ve been doing everything he has asked of me! When he gets jealous, I fix the situation. When he says I can leave for half an hour, I nearly dance in excitement. I thought we were becoming equals. But, in fact, he became my owner. I was exactly who he’s wanted me to be.

Maybe we needed a break.

It was normal to take a small break in a relationship. I’m not saying to go off and be with someone else or anything. I’m not even saying that we should leave the house. I think it was smart to just stay in separate areas for just a few days until things settled down here. Joanna was bound to leave soon. Things would settle a bit after that. Well, until Xavier wants to deal with Matthew. I really needed to talk to Joanna…

Xavier and I hadn’t spoken much since the whole car thing last night. He was very handsy, but I shrugged him off each time. I couldn’t help but think about what I’ve become. Not only was I stupid enough to obey his insane demands, but I also opened up a whole new door of crazy by making that deal the other night. He now saw it as an opportunity for us to get frisky whenever we wanted. It’s completely insane, I know. I should have learned my lesson when I dressed exactly the way he wanted me to and he wanted me to continue dress that way. The more I’m around him, the more I become what he wants. I do it to make him happy. Little did I realize that I was losing myself. I was losing what I used to be. I was also losing what I had always wanted: Freedom.

I love Xavier, I seriously do. But what is a relationship when only one person was compromising? That’s why I had to do something to change this.

“Xavier, can we talk?” I asked when he had placed his hands on my hips.

He seemed surprised. “Depends.”

I gestured for him to take a seat on the bed. He followed reluctantly. I wasn’t sure what to say yet. I just knew that we needed some distance or at least a talk before I let things go right back to how they used to be. We were already forming a habit. We didn’t talk; we handle the tough things with sex. No surprise there. “I’ve been thinking about our relationship…” It was a lame start to the conversations, but I wasn’t sure what else I could have said.

Xavier’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “Yes…?”

I hesitated. He already knew I was about to say something bad. “Things have been a bit, err, intense lately.”

“Intense? How so?”

Don’t be a coward, Lucy, I thought to myself as I stared into the dark eyes of my creator. “I think we’ve been going a bit too fast.”

He raised a brow and leaned a bit closer. “Too fast? We’ve been together nearly a hundred years, love.”

That was true. But he didn’t know what I meant. Heck, I wasn’t sure what I meant. “I just think we jumped too fast back into our relationship. We didn’t even discuss things that have changed and that need to change.”

Xavier looked puzzled. It was rare that I caught him off guard. He leaned back and tilted his head to the side. That worried me. He only tilted his head when he was about to show dominance. “Things are perfect as they are. We’re happy.”

“Well, yes, we’re happy. But things are far from perfect, Xavier. Our relationship is very one-sided. I’ve compromised on several issues we’ve had, such as not leaving the house unless you are comfortable. I’ve tried not to argue or backtalk and I’ve even been keeping my distance from Liam to make you happy. You haven’t compromised one bit.”

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