Love Me Past The Pain

Talisha

I guess I'll see you next lifetime...
Erykah Badu, 'Next Lifetime'

Raymond, had gotten his dreads cut off of his head and he was officially not the man I use to makeup with. Fighting with him to understand me wasn't something I wanted to do. The photos of me and Malone were placed on the side of my seat. I needed those photos out of sight and out of mind. I pondered about what I could have said differently to him back home as I waited at a red light. My heart was leading me to Malone's house and my mind was in the passenger's seat.  After about ten minutes, of sitting through traffic to get to my destination, I parallel parked on along the side of the street by Malone's house. As I walked to the front door of his home, I noticed how nothing really changed.

The front yard to his home was detailed and cleaned. The green grass that surrounded the grey marbled path looked like turf on a golf field. The closer I got to the front door I studied classic three-tiered-fountain that was the centerpiece for the yard. The fountain was indeed still clean of debris and relaxing to watch. I rubbed my belly and gripped on tightly to the photos of guilt in my other hand.

Here goes nothing, I whispered and pressed the doorbell. I started to hum an old Gospel hymn Mama J taught me when I was a child. Within a few aching moments, Malone appeared at his front door.

He just stared at me; the same way he stared at me when we was in Target together. His eyes spoke a familiar language to my heart. I fumbled with finding the right words to speak mentally. Our souls both spiritually felt gravitated together.

Then I opened up and said, "Hey, I wanted to know if we can talk about something really quick."

He still said not a word. He stepped from behind his front door and into my presence. He wore a chestnut brown v-neck paired with black distressed jeans. His waves in his caesar cut were so deep that I wanted to dive in and swim. Malone displayed a yearning look. I started to worry if I made the right choice seeing him, because of my heart.

He moved closer to my face and picked up my chin and stared yet again deep into my eyes. He kissed me. Our tongues intertwined in a motion that made my soul dance. He pulled me closer to his body by gripping me by my behind. I moaned slightly between each sweet sensational kiss.

He pulled his loving away and said, "I love you, 'Lisha. I would do whatever it takes to win you back, but I'm in a situation."

I took a long savoring breath and replied, "I can't utter those words back to you. I'm in a situation too."

He grabbed me by my hand and led me into his house. The home that we once shared.

As soon as we made it into the living room our lips connected again. This time with each kiss we focused on each others bodies. He caressed my pregnant belly and dropped to his knees. Within a few seconds he lifted my dress and started to taste my honey pot. I was dripping only the most stickiest of nectar that only gave him more of a sweet tooth. Malone directed me to lay down on the sofa so he can continue his feasting.

"Oooooh, shit baby!" I moaned grinding into his mouth.

He slid two fingers inside of me and tickled my g-spot. He knew how to drive me wild and into pure ecstasy.

"I want you to cum for me baby! I can taste how bad you missed me, right here." He said with a grunt in his tone. I knew he was enjoying every bit of me. He kept his head between my thighs and enjoyed me until I had an organism in his mouth.

After I finished he walked me to one of the three bathrooms in his home and helped cleaned me off with a wet face towel. I pulled down my dress and thought back to the photos that I left in the front of his yard. There was something different about Malone that I just couldn't place.

As I pulled down my dress, he stood behind me in the full body mirror and said, "I know about the pictures."

I looked at his reflection with a confused look and asked, "How? Was it a set up?"

He gripped me at my waist and held me tight and said, "Yes. Like I said I'll do anything to win you back, but I'm in a situation."

I turned around to face him. He just stared at me trying to search my eyes for my answer. As I looked him in his eyes I said, "We can't keep doing this. I already heard how you have your first child with that other chick and now you want to string me along?"

" 'Lisha, I would never deny my first child nor being with Honaray. I just know that you and I could only be together in another lifetime." 

As bad as I wanted to tell him he was wrong, I couldn't. I couldn't deny the love that I had for him that could no longer go on. My heart still yearned for Malone, but my future and my soul belonged with Raymond.

"You remember how the song goes, right?" He grinned while still holding on to my waist. "I want you to sing it with me." We were both love struck.

"What song, boy?" I teased.

He smiled and started singing, "Now what am I supposed to do when I want you in my world, but how can I want you for myself when YOU already someone's girl? I guess I'll see, You next lifetime."

He wasn't much of a singer, but we both understood the meaning to the lyrics.

I sung back to him into his ear, "Maybe we'll be butterflies." We shared another intoxicating kiss.

It was more than lust, more than a connection, and more than just us. It was love.