Love Me Past The Pain

Raymond

You taking everything... Gerald Levert, 

'Taking Everything'

I rubbed my hands on top of my caesar haircut. I couldn't think back to a time that I didn't had dreads. I remember being five years old, and sitting rooted between my mothers legs on the porch of our home. She used her own homemade dreadlock wax on my hair that she sold to many Rastafarians and their families around Kingston. I use to hate being stuck between my mom's legs for almost two hours as she perfected every lock. I used to watch the other kids from my village run around and enjoy their afternoon after school while getting my locks freshen. The smell of my mother's homemade dreadlock wax, which she called 'Rasta Butter' kept my mother with respect, money, and clothed in beautiful colorful dashikis. I admired my mother's many talents and that hustler mentality that she gained from my father. I wonder if she would be upset with me today? With my choices even though I am a grown man. I wonder if she would accept my lifestyle, my choice in women, and me even cutting my locks.

I snapped back to my reality, while staring at myself in mirror before me. My lining was crisped and detailed. William did a damn good job on facial hair that complimented my smile. William handed me a hand mirror, just so I could see close up his work. I studied every angle and moved my face around to make sure he didn't create any mess ups. I nodded giving him the seal of approval and he removed my black cape. I stood up and reached into one of the pockets of my Levi jeans tipped him an additional 40 dollars for making my change happen. I was feeling and looking like a new man. William looked back into his hand at the money I peeled from a small wad I carried in my jeans. He even tried to give me my forty dollars back, but I insisted on him to keep it. William dap and a hug while saying,

"Raymond, I appreciate you."

"It's all love fam. I appreciate the patience that you put into creating my new image."

William placed the money into one of his pockets on his pants and said,"No problem my brother, and I hope that the custody battle goes in your favor."

"All I can do is leave it God's hands, Will."

"You right, take care of yourself man."

****

I arrived to my house to see Salen standing at my front door with our daughter. Her car was parked in the driveway. We locked and eyes from my windshield. I clutched onto my steering wheel a took a deep breath. I didn't want to believe that Salen allowed our daughter to witness After placing my car in park. I gripped my wheel tightly with both hands before stepping out of my truck. Salen hair was in thick twist that stopped past her breast. She looked damn good in her peach tone jumper that complimented her breasts for sure.  She stood with one hand on her hip serving me attitude before I can even stand face-to-face with her. It was a little breezy outside, so I know that her cold natured ass couldn't been waiting in front of my house for too long. My daughter raced up to me with opened arms. 

I picked my daughter up off from the ground and said, "Hey, beautiful!" I planted kisses all over her face. I loved embracing my daughter with love everytime I see her. 

Farea' blushed and laughed as I hugged her and spinned around in a circle.

Salen rolled her eyes and said with a pissy tone, "Raymond, you can put her down, now. Tomorrow will probably be your last day around Farea' anyways." 

I placed Farea' back on the ground and stared at Salen. I ordered our daughter to cover her ears, because Salen was truly out of line for talking the way that she did to me.

"Salen, watch your damn mouth. I done everything that I can do for our daughter. Tomorrow just might be your last got-damn day seeing our child, since you want to play dirty."

Salen paced back in fourth in our driveway taking deep breaths. I wish her pregnant ass would have tried to run on me. She opened up and said, "Raymond, I'm here to serve you these papers."

"What's this for?"

"Oh, what's it for? The fucking house that we both went in on together and this got-damn truck you used my credit to finance for! I'm claiming my throne and there will be nothing you will be able to do about it!" 

"Wait, so you came to my house.."

"OUR, house Raymond get the shit right!"

"Don't fix your mouth to talk to me like the way that you are doing right now."

"Whatever!" She gasped walking over to grab our daughter. 

"So you came to the house to air out all of our damn business for all the neighbors to fucking hear? Then you want to take my daughter away from me."

Farea' came and held tightly to my leg. "Let him go and let's go Farea'."

"Noooo, mama! I want to be with my daddy!" 

Salen bit down on her bottom lip and looked back up at me and said, "You brought that Talisha chick in our home and made her a damn housewife. You turned your back on the woman that you wanted to marry for a bitch who was fucking a drug dealer and needed a place to stay. You the one looking stupid. Not me!"

Farea' cried as I rubbed her head trying to console her. I stared Salen in the eyes and said, "You the one who destroyed us by sleeping with the same dude you calling a drug dealer. You never truly wanted me." 

Salen dugged into her designer purse on her shoulders and handed me photos of Talisha and Malone. 

"When was this taken and who took these photos?" 

"Tell Farea' to come to me and then I'ma tell you."

I looked down at my daughter who was staring up at me and said, "Let me go and go to your mama. I'm going to see you tomorrow, baby I promise."

"Do I have to, daddy?"

"Yes, and I will can assure you that everything will be alright." 

Farea' gently let my leg go and walked next to Salen. Salen looked at our daughter then back at the photos in her hand and said, "These photos were taken at a boutique a friend of mines own today. I just want you to see that even salt looks like sugar and whatever that bitch was and is feeding you has cost you your child, this house, and your car."

Farea' stared at me with glossy eyes. I wanted to break down in front of them both, but I couldn't find the internal strength to do it. I placed my hands in my pockets of my joggers and said, "Salen, that's not Talisha that's actually Casey, Talisha's sister. "

"You can lie to yourself all you want Raymond, but I know that Talisha bitch from anywhere. Just know tomorrow I'm taking everything and you can keep this sorry for nothing bitch in these pictures!" 

"Say, bye to your daddy Farea' this may be the last time you see his sorry ass." 

"He not sorry mama!" Farea' yelled.

"Don't talk back to me lil' girl and get  yo' lil' tail in this car before I put you in it." 

I couldn't stand to see her talk to our daughter that way. From this day forward, I made a mental note to myself. 

No matter what Salen takes from me. I am still a man. I am still a father. I am still a provider. She can take it all away, but not the years I spend being a father figure. All I can do for her is to pray for her and love her from a distance.