Love Me Past The Pain

Prologue

Salen mustered up the strength to put the gun down. She paced back and forth before throwing her hands in the air and said, "If you really are sorry for what you did to me, and my home, then have an abortion!"

I stared into her glossy eyes from the distance that we shared. My eyes widened with alarm and I said, "You could never make me have an abortion, Salen. I been told you that I was sorry. But I never will apologize to you are anyone for getting pregnant!"

She sighed and walked back into her kitchen. I moved from where I held my position to see what she was going to do next. I heard a thump sound as she placed the gun on top of a stack of Southern Soul Food cooking books that were  stacked randomly on top of each other. She rubbed the temples of her forehead with the pads of her fingertips and closed her eyes. 

Salen's heart shrank. She walked from out of the kitchen and stared at me again with now tears running down her face. I wanted to just tell the poor girl to pull herself together. I could only imagine how her daughter felt about seeing her mother in defense mode over me. Raymond use to have the damn nerve to call me crazy, but this chick placed a completely different spin to the word crazy, baby. Whatever he was smoking when he was messing around with her or getting high on had to be some of the most potion stuff on the streets, for sure.

I still had my guard up with Salen. I unfolded my arms and shook my head. I was beyond baffled and seriously needed to leave, and get my thoughts together before facing her again. Her eyes were sat keen on me with fury as she opened up and said,

"I really would have never thought things would ever get so bad between me and Raymond. I still can't wrap my head around all this bullshit!" 

Her tone was frosty.

'Damn, what can I say now to make her stop being on the edge?' I asked myself.

Not only body was tensed and my heart pounded. I was hungry and my stomach was soured from just having a gun aimed at my head just minutes ago. I was ready to come clear with her and to still be able to leave with my life.

My throat tightened as I said, "Nothing is promised. I can't promise you that Raymond and I will stand the test of time. I didn't thought I would come to 'ya'll home this morning,' and have a gun aimed at my head for the life of an unborn child that didn't ask to be here. Salen, I really have nothing more to explain to you that Raymond can't answer for himself."

"Get the hell out of my house!" Salen yelled. Her voice was high and pitchy. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin meaning her demanded.

Farea' came down the stairs from her room holding a Build-A-Bear we created together before her father had went to jail.

"Go back to you room, Farea' I won't tell you again." Her mother said. Her voice was demanding.

"Just go back to your room, sweetie." I said with worry.

Farea' turned back around and went back into her room without fuss.

I looked back at Salen and said,

"I'm not going to argue the day away with you, Salen. Take care of yourself and tuck Farea' in the bed tonight with a kiss." I spat back and walked towards the front door.

To my surprise Salen said not another word to me as I made my way out of the front door. My heart was still pounding. I was secretly wishing that she would try to run on me with my back turned. I couldn't wait for Raymond to ring my line later on today, so I could tell him about Salen. I walked out of the front door and made my way to my car. Once, I unlocked my car door and turned on my car. My hands were still shaking. The force of the hot air from the vents of my cars' AC stung my face. I was still in my first trimester. My pregnancy sweats had gotten the best of me. After a few deep breaths, I was ready to back up. My gas light appeared, and I just knew that the devil was busy. I looked through my windshield and saw Farea' with her hands pressed against the living room window. I waved bye to her and smiled fighting back tears. Loving my future step-daughter from a distance would be the best advice that I could have given to myself. I placed my car into reverse and slowly backed out of the driveway.

I stared at the house one more time before finally pulling off and said out loud, "God, if it wasn't for your loving mercy, I would have lost my life today."