Playboy |Hunhan|

i'm sorry .

(you don't have to read this. this is my feelings right now, which don't really matter anymore. they never did. but, read if you insist.)

i'm so sorry, guys. i'm so sorry. i'm sorry for all of the crappy chapters and late updates. i'm sorry for all of the sad chapters and all of the angst. i'm so sorry.

my boyfriend broke up with me. i can't keep my mind straight anymore. he was the reason for all of my hurt and pain. i thought that writing them in stories and putting other people in the same situation i went through would help me discover that i'm not the only one that goes through breakups and hard times. i'd spend so much time crying and screaming in my mind what i did wrong and who was the cause of my pain and suffering. he told me he loved me, and he told me he'd stay with me forever. but he left. he's gone and he'd rather be with another girl who's prettier, smarter, and funnier than i'll ever be. he's just a player.

finding out he messed with other girls on the side and told them he loved them too hurt me. i thought i was the only one he gave his love and affection to.

i was so wrong. so so wrong.

he spent his time talking to other girls instead of me. when he wouldn't reply, he'd be talking to one of his side girls, and i felt disrespected and used. i'm nor good enough if he'd rather give his time to a side chick than the one that actually paid attention and cared for him when nobody else did.

i guess i fell for the playboy. you're not the only one,, luhan.

i'm so sorry, guys. i'm just... i feel so used and broken. i need someone to talk to. i have nobody, now.

i have no one.

i'm sorry, guys. i'm so sorry.

forgive me for being such a failure at everything. sorry for not being as pretty, funny, or talented like everyone wants me to be. i'm sorry i'm not trustworthy. i'm sorry i'm always the one who cares for everythin and everyone, then i'm always the one getting screwed over in the end. getting told "i don't love you anymore" or "i found someone else" isn't everyone's favorite cup of tea.

i'm worthless.

i'm a mistake.

people say that there's no way for me to experience real pain because i have everything. the friends, the popularity, the looks, the charm, talent. but i'm sitting here wondering what life would be like if i didn't have kpop, any of you guys, or ant of my friends. i'm thinking about what life would be like if i wasn't here anymore, or never existed. i'm sitting here crying and sobbing, letting out silent screams in hopes of another excuse to be alone while i'm suffering here with a dangerous mind and broken heart.

the only words escaping my mouth right now is the same of someone who promised me that they would always be here for me and love me until he had no more love to give. i didn't expect him to stop loving me so early. he left me for good. if that's not pain, then i don't know what is.

i'm sorry about this stupid rant about an ex that doesn't even matter. i had to let it out to someone. at least you guys care.. right.?

i'm sorry for everything.

i'm sorry about being a screw-up.

i'm sorry for being a mistake and failure.

i'm sorry.

♥️