Push (Josh Ramsay)

And you fucked it up

A/N I know it has been nearly two months since my last update. Sorry. Not really. School and shit got crazy, then came summer school. Anyways I couldn't put this note after that cliffhanger. This giant mess of a story is finally approaching the end. (Probably one last  chapter then possibly an epilogue) Prepare yourselves because shit is getting real.

I slowly awoke to a bright light approaching me. I laid there with my hands outstretched in confusion. Was this heaven? Was I finally dying? I figured that must be the case as I settled back into the comforts of darkness.

My next taste of heaven arrived not long after. There was once again a bright light in my eyes. figures loomed over me. I tried to have a look around, but discovered I couldn't move. I then felt a firm presence on my head and chest. This wasn't heaven. It was purgatory. Heaven and Hell were fighting in my head. I yearned for the light but darkness held me back. I was stuck in the middle with no place to go.

They say your life flashes by your eyes before you die. Clearly I was no exception to this cheesy expression. My deeply embedded childhood memories arose, bubbling and stirring beneath my eyelids. I was 3 when I got my favorite doll. Baby Anabelle I called her. Dressed in ruffled polka dot shorts, I dragged her everywhere. Much to my parents' dismay, I was insistent on bringing her to preschool, and this argument was only resolved with false promises of candy. When I was 6, we took a road trip across the country. I drove my  family insane asking the age-old question: Are we there yet? Later that year, I was nearly suspended for yelling at my teacher because she refused to stock books that challenged me intellectually. When I was 8 I received my first medal for cheerleading, then quit moments after. When I was  9, I got my first  goldfish. Later that year, we got a brilliant dog, who was nearly as stubborn as I was. When I was 10, I was suspended for calling my teacher dumb after she refused to let me use algebra. When I was 11, I was finally enrolled in the gifted program. 

All these bubbling memories had me wondering, where did it all go wrong? How did I fuck it up?

When I was 12 I tasted depression for thee first time. By 13, my path of self-destruction was firmly implanted in little red lines. At 14 I smoked pot for the first time. At 15 I began sleeping around for drugs. At 16 I found heroin. At 17 I found Josh. Josh. His memories began to flash by, lingering slightly before being replaced. It was like watching a movie, a terrible one at that.

"Bleachers at 11?"

"I'm Josh"

"M-Mabel"

"I stumbled across you passed out in the fucking woods mabel"

"Addiction is like a fire"

"If you have a problem keeping it a secret makes it so much stronger"

"You don't know that"

"I do"

"Do you still-?"

"Use? no."

"I need help"

"Heroin. It's NOT a drug to mess with."

"Too late"

"Where the hell is Josh"

"I'm a uh... friend of Josh's"

"OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?"

"That's actually why I'm here"

"So you wanted to talk about Josh?"

"He walked into the clearing and ran off when he saw me"