Push (Josh Ramsay)

I started faking it

The rest of the night was a total blur.
The paramedics arrived and took over. Lights flashed across the park, drawing the attention of the local residents. They gave her oxygen and dragged her off in an ambulance, while asking me all sorts of questions I couldn't answer. We then had to make the most difficult phone call of our life; we called her mom to have her come to the hospital.

Once we arrived we were told to sit in the waiting room. The silence was deafening. People kept asking if I was alright, saying I looked pale and needed rest. I was faking being okay, but really I was unable to wrap my head around this. It was all my fault. I sat there in a daze until her mum came up and wrapped me in a hug. She thanked me. She fucking thanked me. That's when I lost it. I fell to the ground, unable to get up. It was my fault. All my fault. My mom, Mabel's mom, other people waiting, even hospital staff tried getting me up, but I wouldn't budge. I felt like I was dying. I wanted to.

Eventually they told her mother she could see her, but that she still was unconscious and it was unknown when or if she would regain consciousness. If. We still had to wait, and I still hadn't moved. Her mother came back crying, looking directly at me. "I'm telling them you're family so you can see her, she would want you there." She took me back and stood outside the door as I went in. Her lips had color again, but she still seemed so lifeless. I took her hands and spoke softly, "I'm so sorry." I tried my best to stay composed, but ended up sobbing into her gown. She was everything to me. I never knew love could happen so quick. A month and a half ago I had no clue who she was. A month ago I told her to get out of my life. I thought I would be okay without her. I thought she would be better off without me. I was wrong. And now she was laying nearly dead in a hospital bed.
I ended up falling asleep at her bedside, and was awoken by a nurse telling me visiting hours were up. I refused to leave the waiting room that night, I slept in the chairs where I cried myself to sleep. If Mabel didn't wake up it would be my fault, and if she did she wouldn't want to see me.

It didn't matter that her vitals were stable.

She was gone either way.