Adopted by 5SOS

Chapter 27. Confessions of a Depressed Teen

Guys, I know this is a 5SOS book.. But the cover came out today for Harry's movie next year!! IT LOOKS FÛCKING AMAZING!!!!!!

Shiloh's POV
It's been two days since I've been home with the boys. Summer vacation is actually almost over and I'll be starting sophomore year (going by America name.. 2nd year of high-school) of school. I didn't want to go back, and I think I wouldn't have to. Now that the boys have me back, they could un-cancel the tour and we can get back on the road. The boys decided to throw a welcoming home party for me, so my friends could see me before we left.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Ashton asked as he sat next to me on my bed. "Still sleepy." I responded while laughing. "I barely slept in that place, the nightmares were keeping me up all night. Whenever I saw someone in the hallway, we'd run away from each other in fear. The sessions would make you feel as if everyone in the world was against you, as if nobody cared. It was even worse whenever I found a kid who had killed themselves.." I trailed off, tears brimming my eyes. "Kids killed themselves in there?" Ash asked astonished, as I nodded silently.

"They killed themselves so they wouldn't have to get the procedure done... I honestly even thought about it sometimes." I admitted, watching Ashton's emotions change. "You can come to us, come to any of us if you ever feel like that. I don't want you to go through that feeling alone." He spoke, cupping my cheek. I stood up from my bed as he ruffled my hair. "Get showered and then begin packing, we leave for the rest of tour tomorrow." Ash explained as I nodded.

After I showered and changed, I met everyone downstairs for brunch. "You slept late today, kiddo." Calum pointed out as I shrugged and sat at the table. Mikey placed a plate in front of me as I looked down at him. Now that I was out of that horrific place.. I could revert back to old ways. "Shiloh.. I see the look in your eyes. You're beautiful, you're a healthy weight.. Please eat it. I'm not a bad cook!" Mikey offered at the end, causing me to smile. "I'm not going to lie.. When I was in the asylum.. And Drake made me eat.. The only reason I didn't puke it up was because I never had the energy too." I commented as Lucy smirked at me.

"Yea but.. You could have always not eaten it." She added as the boys let out an "ooh! Burn!" and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay.. You have a point." I replied as I scooped a pile of the eggs onto my fork. They all watched me chew and swallow. "It's rude to stare you know." I said to everyone as they nodded and kept watching. "We know, we just want to make sure you're eating and not going back to the way you used to be." Calum commented, smiling at me.

"Alright! Let's hit the store for some party supplies!" Ashton yelled excitedly as everyone nodded and got up to leave. "Let me just go to the bathroom." I noted as Bryana watched me walk up the stairs. I silently skipped into my room and then into the bathroom. I searched under the sink for the roll of toilet paper.. And stopped when I pulled out my blade. I had forgotten I even had this.. I haven't cut in over three months. I skimmed over my scars, they were barely visible now.

*Trigger Warning*

I was still self-conscious. I looked down at my stomach and gripped onto the fat. My goal weight was still 80.. I now weighed 123.. I needed to lose so much. I cut twice into my left arm and then knelt over the toilet. I stuck two fingers down my throat, hitting my gag reflex. I emptied the contents of breakfast into the toilet bowl and then flushed. I wiped my mouth, and then re-brushed my teeth. I walked out of the bathroom and looked up to see a pissed off Michael. "Shiloh." He glared with his hands on his hands.

"Uh.. Hi... Mikey... What... What are you doing here?" I questioned as I tried to walk past him. "How long have you been doing this for? You should be losing all your teeth from constantly puking. I looked up side-effects of bulimia." He told me as my eyes drifted over to his. "I'm sorry.. I just.. After being in there.. I was already messed up to begin with, those counseling sessions messed me up even more." I whispered, looking down ashamed. He squatted down so he was eye level with me, and then tilted my chin up.

"I'm always going to be here for you, me and everyone else. We love and care about you. Ashton nearly lost his mind when you were in the asylum. I heard him pacing in the hallway at least three, four nights a week. He was going crazy, believing that you were dead. Then when Drake contacted us, informing us that you had died... He shut us out completely. He didn't talk to us for a good three days, he pushed everyone away, even Bryana. Why can't you see that we love you so, so much?" He questioned as I shrugged.

"It's hard.. When I was growing up, before Amethyst had died... My parents when they weren't fighting.. Were yelling at me. They kept calling me the unwanted child, the mistake, the ugly whore, the fat thing. I wasn't considered a person. I was always referred to as a thing. I never felt loved, yes Amethyst always tried to give me love.. But you could see my parents were wearing her out. They were tiring their own daughter out of living. It's why she killed herself, she left me alone. She left me to live with them.. And after I got to the orphanage, life wasn't much better."

I explained as Mikey sniffled. "Guys! You coming down or what?!" Luke yelled up to us we hugged each other. "You have us now.." Michael assured as he wrapped an arm around me.

"You have us, you have us to live for."