Tourist Trap

Chapter 4

"Right," Sarah sighed. "So anyway we're here to retrieve Vance." 

"Who?" 

"You know, the tourist who got in a fight down at the tavern." 

"Oh yes, yes. The mouthy guy. Slipped my mind for a second there. Well, anyway, we're still waiting for Cuthbert to produce the key. We thought we found it a little while ago, but it turned out to just be a key-shaped piece of excrement.  After much consideration, Cuthbert ate that as well." 

"Would you mind sparing us the details?" Zeke wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why don't you just let us know when the key is recovered?" 

As if on cue, Cuthbert came bursting into the room wagging his tail excitedly and holding the key triumphantly in his paw. "I got it! I got it! For reals this time!" 

"Very good! Now bring in the prisoner!" 

"Uh," Cuthbert stuttered. "Where is the prisoner, sir?" 

"What the-?" the warden sputtered in frustration. "I thought he was with you!" He looked over and noticed Zeke and Sarah staring at him. "Don't worry, folks. Everything's under control. Cuthbert, would you mind speaking to me over in the corner for a moment?" They stepped away a few paces and proceeded to have a frantic muffled conversation that included much paw waving and nervous eye movement. 

Abruptly they stopped talking and the warden returned to his desk as Cuthbert dashed out of the room. "Ah, it seems we stuck him in the walk-in freezer for a moment and forgot that we left him there. But don't worry. Cuthbert is retrieving him as we speak." 

Zeke giggled in spite of himself, loving every torturous moment Vance was being forced to endure. 

Sarah, on the other hand, was not pleased. "If anything's happened to him you'll be sorry. I'll neuter you myself if I have to." 

Zeke stopped laughing abruptly. He had not been fully aware of this "tough" side of Sarah and it scared him a little. But it also made her seem even sexier, if that was possible. He reached in his pocket in what he hoped was a casual manner and adjusted himself. 

Cuthbert returned a few minutes later with a shivering Vance whose skin seemed to have taken on a slightly bluish tint. Sarah rushed over and threw her arms around him. "Oh honey, don't worry. I'll get you nice and warmed up soon." 

Zeke turned away and frowned bitterly. "Stupid Vance," he thought to himself. "And stupid Sarah for liking that stupid jerk. Man, my life sucks. I could sure use a beer about now." 

It occurred to him that it might be nice to cut short the general icky-ness that was about to follow between the two lovebirds. So he cleared his throat loudly. 

"Need a cough drop?" Cuthbert volunteered, holding forth a little red lozenge. "I found it on the floor!" 

"Uh, no thanks. I was just thinking that we should maybe get going now. We still need to find Dr. Octavius." 

The mention of her uncle's name seemed to snap Sarah's attention away from Vance. "You're right, Zeke. We've wasted too much time already." 

"But lambykins," Vance pouted. "My ordeals have left me weary and the hour grows late. Perhaps we should seek out lodging?" 

"The Galloping Centipede Inn is right around the corner from here," Cuthbert suggested. "They have pretty good prices. If you're in good with the managers you can even rent rooms by the hour. Why, just last weekend I got a room for an hour for just two canisters after I picked up a hooker in the southeastern quadrant. Man, oh man was she ever something. Once you've had a Golden Retriever it's hard to go back."