confused: a rory and jess fanfic

Characters, and Pressure:

It's been a while since I've slept, and I'm exhausted. Yet it's still the middle of the afternoon, and I only have 54 hours before my book has to be completed.

I am typing the stories of Stars Hollow, I've finished seven chapters so far.

I've been to the town meeting, the conflict has arisen, I've offered to move to New York.

I've been to Luke's and stirred up some stories there.

I've been developing my characters and am feeling pretty confident about my book.

But it's getting harder and harder to stay awake, and write with any intelligence, so when Jess walks in, I make him read it over, while I rest my eyes.

Suddenly the image of the interview comes into my head.

As I'm walking out the door from the lobby, Mr. Ventimiglia calls out to me.

"Oh! Ms. Gilmore, keep in mind, that every well structured and intriguing story has a love flare..." He says, and then walks away.

The words echo in my brain and I sit up quickly.

"It's really good Rory." He says.

"Love! Jess, I need to add a love flare. Mr. Ventimiglia said so." I say, sitting up quickly.

He seems taken aback by this comment, so he clears his throat and speaks.

"Ok." Jess says. He looks at me, and I look into his eyes, they look filled with hurt and longing.

I want to reach over and hug him, and kiss him like I used to. But I tear my eyes away, and look back at my computer screen.

"So add Dean." Jess says, standing up.

He walks into his room, and closes the door firmly.

Not quite slamming it, but not with the same elegance as before.

I do add Dean, and Jess is sitting beside me again, when I go to add my next boyfriend.

Jess.

I instantly regret typing his name, and delete it quickly, hoping he didn't notice.

But I see the awkwardness on his face, and the way he turns to look at his shoes.

"Jess I..." I begin.

"No, it's... It's fine. I should go." He looks at me, and then gets up, walking out the apartment door.

I slam my laptop shut, and walk into the kitchen. Furious with myself.

Why did  I have to ruin everything Jess and I have fixed?

I look at the apartment door. The one Jess just left out of.

Suddenly without thinking, I'm running.

I'm running out the door and down the hallway, I run until I see his dark hair and leather jacket just feet away from me.

"Hey Jess?" I say. He turns around.

"I just want you to know-to know that I'm doing ok." I say, fiddling with my fingers nervously.

"Ok." He nods.

"Ok." I say, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Thanks." He turns around, and I turn around.

When I get back into the apartment, I sit down in front of the door.

Flashbacks of our relationship before enter my mind, and I feel an intense longing that makes my heart feel like it's being ripped out of my chest.

I want to cry, mostly from lack of sleep, but also from the stress and pressure it is trying to connect with Jess. Never knowing how he's feeling, knowing I love him but not knowing if I'm ready for anything.

I have to talk to him. I have to know, what's going on in his head, I have to end this.

So I head out the door again.

Running faster than I've ever run, barefoot down the streets of New York City.

I'm wearing through people, who are not in good spirits about it. They yell at me as I push them aside, running after the leather jacket.

When I'm close enough, I reach out and grab his arm with my fingers, holding on for dear life.

I pull him towards me, down an alley so that we don't get lost in the stream of people.

I stand in the middle of the street staring at him.

He stares back, hands in his pockets.

"I don't know anymore! I don't know anything! I think I love you! But I have no idea how you feel about me... And it was stressing me out, and I had to tell you. And I miss my mom and I miss Stars Hollow and I'm terrified that I won't get this job, or any job ever, and I'm extremely confused and stressed and there's so much pressure to be great and I think I love you Jess, but I don't know." I feel tears of exhaustion and frustration coming on, but I fight them.

He walks towards me, and I don't know what he's doing, until I feel his lips against mine, and it takes me a second to register that he's kissing me.

I'm so taken aback that I pull away.

He seems offended and says he's sorry, and begins to back away.

I follow him, and kiss him back.

His hand is on my cheek, and when we pull away, he hugs me.

It feels so familiar, and so right, that I almost forget everything, but when I remember, I start to cry.

"How do you feel now?" He asks, not yet pulling away from the hug.

"I still don't know." I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Shut up Rory..." He says, and I smile.

So we stand there, in the middle of an alley in New York City. 

*******

Oml that sucked so much. It was awkward, and rushed and terrible and I'm sorry you guys...
We're nearing the end of the book! I'm sorry it's short... But ya know 😝

NEW UPDATE NEXT FRIDAY

Thanks for reading.

Love,
Chloe 💜