The Journal [boyxboy]

The Journal {19}

                “Hey, are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Matt asked as I crawled out of his bed.

                “I don’t know. But I have to go talk to my parents,” I said, gathering my clothes off of the floor and pulling them back on.

                Matt got out of bed and pulled his boxers and pants on. He came over and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck.

                “If you need me, call me,” he said.

                “I will,” I promised. I had told him everything and fallen to tears as I did so.

                “Bye. I love you Emerson,” he said, kissing my lips.

                “I love you too Matt. I’ll see you later,” I said, waving to him and leaving his house.

                I drove myself back home and went inside. I went to the living room, where my parents were sitting together.

                “Mom, dad,” I said. “I know what happened five years ago. I know all about Adrian Nash. Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

                Mom’s eyes watered. “We did everything we could to keep that a secret from you Emerson. We heard that part of the reason that poor boy killed himself was because his parents had rejected him for his sexuality. You had just come out around that time.”

                “His parents hadn’t accepted his sexuality, and he ended up taking his own life,” dad said quietly.

                My eyes widened a little. When I had first come out, my father had had a hard time accepting me. But then he had seemed to change his attitude towards me overnight.

                “I knew I hadn’t been acting right towards you after you told us you were gay. And when I heard about that boy…god Emerson, I couldn’t even imagine losing you just because I was being ignorant,” he whispered.

                I felt my eyes watering. Nash killing himself had led to my father accepting my sexuality. I had never met Nash before, but he had played a huge role in my life.

                “I remember everyone freaking out because it happened so close to the end of the year. I think there were three weeks left of school, and then that boy would’ve graduated. No one wanted the younger kids to know what had happened. They tried so hard to keep it a secret from your age group, Emerson,” mom said.

                “A lot of people blamed a kid named Francis Phillips. His father, Martin Phillips, moved them out of the state right after graduation,” dad said.

                “Look, it happened five years ago, okay? Don’t think on it too much,” mom said gently.

                “Is everyone just trying to pretend that it never happened? Trying to pretend that Nash never existed?” I asked angrily, wiping at my eyes. “The kid went through hell and everyone is trying to pretend he never existed! It’s like trying to pretend Columbine never happened. If it happened once, it can happen again!”

                “Emerson,” mom said in surprise.

                “He was lonely. People pretending he didn’t exist was part of the reason why he killed himself. And yet people continue to do it,” I said, clenching my fists tightly. “It’s not fair to him. He deserves to be remembered.”