Back Then (An LGBT Story)

14. His contemplation

Taylor awoke to the now familiar sound of nothingness, and a feeling almost identical.
As he sat up in bed, he wiped his now stubbly chin, running his hands up his face to wipe his eyes.
It had been a week since Seth had proposed that the two went on a break, and yet Taylor still saw it as a break up. He didn't blame Seth for what happened. He shouldn't have even tried to say anything at his fathers funeral, if he hadn't, maybe he would have been able to wake up to Seth's smiling face, or even to be the one putting the smile on his face every morning.

His studies had slowed, but he had not given up. He had his desire to help others to keep him going. He just had to remember that he had a reason before he fell so in love with his old roommate. But thoughts like this were what depressed him even more.
In order to work, he had to forget.
Taylor knew a lot about the human mind, and yet he somehow knew so little about his own way of thinking.

"Oh brother." He sighed, swinging his legs over the bed and pushing himself up until he stood tall, stretching with a yawn.

***

Psychology class. A perfect mix of relaxing, brain engaging and hectic. It hadn't changed much over the last week, Taylor could happily admit. The topics were still just as fascinating and helpful to him and he knew that whatever happened, he could make something out of everything that he was being told.

"Taylor!" The blonde heard a voice coming from behind him. He glanced over his shoulder as he entered his classroom.
Behind him was a young male who sat next to him in class. They weren't close. In fact, Taylor didn't even know this guys name! But he made an effort to talk, which he found pleasant.

"How's life?" The boy asked.

"Same as usual," Taylor showed a very tired smile, bringing out the heavy bags under his eyes, "working all the time."

"You look exhausted! Are you struggling to catch up on work?"

"Yeah, kinda. It's keeping me up at night."

"I don't get you Taylor. A week ago, you piqued at studiousness, but you've kind of dropped."

"I know. I've been trying to pick it all back up again, but it's not really working."

"Well, I hope that wherever's bothering you gets sorted out soon."

Taylor showed the guy a gentle smile, to which the guy responded with a smile of his own.

As the two sat down in their usual seats, Taylor sighed, placing both hands on the desk in front of him.
The one next to him glanced in his direction every few seconds.
At first, this made Taylor think that he must just be concerned, however after he refused to stop, Taylor found himself becoming very uncomfortable. The situation worsened by very much after the make beside him began to rub Taylor's hand with his fingers every so often.
Not wanting to cause a scene, Taylor pulled his hand away as soon as he began to feel as though it was going too far.

"What're you doing?" He whispered.

"Just trying to have a bit of fun. You know, flirting with a cute guy." The guy smirked, not looking at Taylor.

"Well, at least you're honest about it." Still, the situation made Taylor uncomfortable. He wasn't even remotely sure what this guy was like, he didn't speak to him outside of classes... and he was already very much in love. Taylor shook his head in an attempt to forget about Seth. Just for a little bit, whilst he was trying to prevent any more harassment. He can't say anything stupid.

"Well, you are cute."

"I don't even know your name." Taylor said in a low and quiet voice.

"You don't need to. I'm a 'no strings attached' kind of guy."

"So? Who says I'm like that?"

"Are you the attached type?"

"I'm not answering that."
This is getting worse, Taylor thought.

"Auw. You're getting defensive. Well, don't worry 'bout it then.
"You already got someone?"

"What?"

"Someone you've got your eye on?"

"..."

"No?"

"Yes, actually."

"Lucky girl."

With that, Taylor decided he'd better not respond anymore. He made a mental note to change seats next time he was in that class.

***

Seth stood still, just outside the main entrance to a small hotel, where he had been staying for the last few days.
He heard the low hum of a car engine and he glanced over to see if it was who he thought it was.

His mother, Sarah pulled up in front of him in a white SEAT branded car. Old, used and filled with memories. This had once been his father's car, but Sarah had decided it was best to hand it down to their son.

As she stepped out of the car, she opened her arms to hug her son. Seth approached her and hugged her back.

"Thanks." He smiled slightly.
Sarah cupped his face in her hands, staring into his eyes.

"Seth, I need to know that you'll be alright. Are you sure that you want to go back so soon?"

"Is it really that soon mom? It feels like forever since I've seen or even spoken to Taylor. I can't keep this up."

Sarah looked down at her feet before nodding slowly and looking back up at her son. Her eyes were filled with emotion, clearly showing her son that she wished that he wasn't going to leave and return to school, and yet she wanted him to return to Taylor, where he was happy.

"That's okay. Just drive safely." She held up a small metal loop, hanging off of which was the car key. Seth reached out and firmly grasped the metal shape, slipping it into his pocket.

The two hugged once more, standing still for many minutes before Sarah broke away from her son's grip and looked at him with sad eyes.

"Goodbye Seth." She kissed his forehead gently before turning and walking away.

She felt as though the quicker she walked away, the easier it would be for her to let Seth go again. Like ripping off a plaster. She felt fragile and vulnerable, meanwhile Seth felt the same.
He glanced down at the car in front of him, contemplating whether or not he was to get in and drive off straight away. Though after some though, he decided that it was best for him to drive around the town to get used to it. This was his first car, after all. He got in and for a few seconds, just stared at the dashboard and steering wheel, before putting the keys into the ignition and turning them, starting the car.

With a sigh, trying to possibly forget all of the memories of happy family road trips and driving back and forth to school each day, he put his foot down on the acceleration pedal, making sure that the car was in the right gear, and drove towards town.