Slut - Noun (derogatory)
1. ❝ A woman who has many casual sexual partners ❞
2. ❝ A woman with low standards of cleanliness ❞
You know that Saffron is broken, empty and hollow inside but why? What was she doing in the girl's changing rooms lat...
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34.
Saffron stands in the middle of the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil so she can down her fifth cup of coffee of the night. Every time she closes her eyes, she can see and feel him and there's nothing more that she wants than to sleep. She's thought about going to the GP but questions will arise as to why she needs strong medication and then she'll have to think about it, relive it and that's the last thing that she wants to do. The Kettle finishes boiling and she pours the water into her large mug and stirs the spoon lazily. Her eyelids are heavy and her body aches for sleep but she knows she needs to keep going. There won't be any school for her in the morning.
She made the fatal mistake earlier in the day of checking her Twitter and again read the barrage of abuse that was directed at her. She spent a good two hours in the morning before school crying much to the bewilderment and puzzlement of her mother who again, tried to get Saffron to talk. Running her fingers through her black silky hair, Saffron takes a massive gulp of the coffee and enjoys the way it burns her tongue and the back of her throat. Momentarily, she focuses on the pain and forgets about how broken she is.
Saffron trudges out of the kitchen and up the stairs, making sure to leave the light on to stave off the dark shadows that imitate his shadow. Saffron can't remember the last time she has ever been afraid of the dark until now. When she's upstairs, her phone begins flashing on her night stand and she sees Cooper has sent another message. Sighing heavily, Saffron opens the message and realises he's sent a music note. She listens to the song, briefly remembering a time when she was actually happy, pure, confident, proud of herself, proud to be hanging off Cooper's arm like a trophy as bad as it sounds. Underneath he writes:
"Please don't let this be our final song baby I'm here for you if you need me x"
Saffron cringes, she mildly gets irritated because Cooper knows she doesn't like kisses. They feel in genuine, forced. Locking her phone, Saffron lies on her bed and finishes her coffee. In between another message from Cooper and the sun rising, Saffron fell asleep and she wakes up in a foggy haze, confused and disorientated. There's a loud knocking on her door and she groggily rolls off her bed and opens the door to find her mother yelling frantically at her, saying she'll be late for school,
"You look like you haven't slept yet," her mother states gazing at her. Her mother narrows her eyes, wondering what has changed in her daughter who used to be so confident, who used to enjoy school, used to enjoy being kempt and presentable. She's voiced her concerns and even threatened to call the school to find out what is going on but Saffron broke down, crying that she is interfering so she dropped it.
"Can I just skip school today?" Saffron says rubbing her eyes and yawning. She welcomes the tiredness, its preventing her from fully feeling disturbed and wounded. Maybe school won't be so bad because she'll be too tired to care she muses. Her mother shakes her head and tells her that she needs to have a shower and get dressed. Nodding her head, Saffron shuffles to the bathroom as her mother tidies up her room and makes her bed,
"Saffron is everything okay?" Her mother tries for one last time,
"I don't even know if I can answer that," she yells back at her mother shuffling down the hallway. It takes her nearly an hour to make herself look presentable. Saffron gazes at herself in the mirror and she mildly looks like the girl she used to be. She's put on make-up much to the insistence of her mother and knows it's going to draw attention from the other students, especially Cooper and that's the last thing she needs,
"Is it to do with that boy you're seeing?" her mother asks as she hands Saffron her bowl of cereal who enters the kitchen,
"I told you already, he cheated on me and that's why I'm upset," Saffron answers half asleep as she leans against the kitchen counter and sloppily places spoonful after spoonful of cereal into her mouth,
"Saffron you're a bloody feminist. As if a guy cheating is going to get you this...this upset," her mother waves her hand in the air and Saffron shrugs her shoulders placing the bowl onto the kitchen counter.
"Mum, all you need to know is that I will be happy again," Saffron lies, knowing that all the happiness and joy has been twisted and ripped out of her body. It's lying in a dirty pool in the cupboard in the outdoor changing room. She gags slightly at the thought of the outdoor changing room and him,
"Sorry mum but I can't finish this," she says wiping the milk off her chin. She pushes the bowl away from her, places a kiss on her mum's cheek and leaves the room. As she walks to school with the exhaustion lying heavily on her shoulders, she knows today she is in flight mode. They can say and do what they want but she doesn't care because today she is empty and hollow.
