Slut - Noun (derogatory)
1. ❝ A woman who has many casual sexual partners ❞
2. ❝ A woman with low standards of cleanliness ❞
You know that Saffron is broken, empty and hollow inside but why? What was she doing in the girl's changing rooms lat...
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38.
Sitting in the corner of the common room all alone, Saffron tries to do her English coursework but the words remain lodged in her brain, unable to transfer to her finger tips to the laptop. She tries to make herself as invisible as possible however the few people that were in the common room kept glancing at her and Saffron knows they're talking. They're talking about her. They're talking about him. They're talking about that afternoon. She can't even say his name anymore.
Saffron breathes heavily, trying to calm herself down, trying to prevent the overwhelming feeling of panic and anxiety infiltrating her body. Just when she's managed to calm herself down, Cooper saunters into the common room with an intense look in his face. He stands in front of the door and gazes around and his eyes meet Saffron's fleetingly but they quickly turn away. Guilt and remorse flash in his eyes before he makes his way to a table with a group of guys Saffron has never bothered to speak to.
He casually sits down and everyone on the table quickly glance at Saffron and beads of sweat begin forming on Saffron's nose and brow. That's when she realises she's forgotten her book in the library. That she'll need to go through hallways, where the sixth form students will be loitering in the hallways, where they'll look at her and whisper amongst them. Nausea begins to overcome Saffron and she's afraid to run into him.
Swallowing down a bile of sickness, Saffron packs her bag hastily and runs out of the common room before she can change her mind. She hurls herself down the corridor, darting her eyes nervously to and fro and she keeps her head down. She wants to be invisible, she doesn't want to be here, she just wants the ground to swallow her up. Relief swallows her up when she enters the library which is quiet and calm. A couple of heads rise up from the books and computers curiously but linger longer when they realise that its Saffron,
"Want to send me a private picture?" I low smug voice says in her face and she realises one of the boys are blocking her way,
"Get away from me," Saffron hisses shoving past him. The sickness begins rising inside of her core and she realises that she needs to get her book and leave before any more remarks about her nudes are made. She slips silently into an aisle and begins gazing intensely at the books rapidly but her concentration is snapped when she over hears some girls having a conversation,
"I think being a slut got to her so she had to scream rape," one of the girls says scornfully,
"This is why people don't believe rape victims because of people like her. Taking attention away from real victims," the other girl replies nastily,
"Do you think Cooper is still talking to her?" the first girl asks dramatically,
"No! Why on earth would you want to be associated with a girl who cries wolf?" the second girl giggles patronisingly.
Saffron places he hands on the shelf and grips hard to stop herself from swaying violently. When she feels her legs are able to move she runs out of the library and throws herself into the bathroom which thankfully is empty. Saffron is now shaking at this point and she glowers at herself in the mirror, anger tightening around her throat. She can't seem to understand why everyone has turned against her. Why everyone doesn't believe what happened, why they are looking at her as if she's a liar.
Yes, Saffron likes sex, she likes pleasure, she likes the momentary feeling of intimacy, of lust, of being wanted. She likes it all, threesomes, anal, girl on girl you name it but that shouldn't warrant how people view her. Like a piece of shit, dirt, classless, a whore. Because she's a slut she always says yes. Because she's a slut she can't say no. Because she's a slut she can't get raped. Because she's a slut.
Slut.
Slut.
Slut.
Saffron clutches her stomach with violently shaking hands and hangs her head, ashamed and broken. There isn't anyone left in the world who will look her right in the eye and if they do they judge, they scorn, they laugh. You deserve it.
"You deserve it," he whispered as I felt myself being ripped apart, as I felt my soul and my sanity being shredded, the humiliation and shame gripping my throat, taking my breath away. The slap and the punch that follow after every scream I can muster but I know no one heard.
I am a slut. A slut who can't be raped because I like sex therefore can't say no. I am a slut because I apparently fucked two guys in the space of half an hour and cried rape because I was too ashamed to admit it Saffron thinks angrily. Saffron has made sure society doesn't touch her, define her, brain wash her into thinking that her sexual activity measures the worth she will be especially to a man. Of course she has cracks, sometimes society's poison seeps through but unfortunately, Saffron's been battered and bruised that the cracks have turned into gaping holes where the poison has begun burning her to cinders.
Now Saffron is wondering if she did deserve it. That if she'd followed the rules of society would any of this have happened? Maybe she'd given him and everyone else the impression that she is easy, that anyone can throw themselves and consent is a murky dirty pool of water. Saffron turns on the tap and splashes cold water onto her face. She knows the only way to get rid of all these feelings, of all these emotions, of all this hurt and anguish killing and eating her alive. She needs to get rid of the reminder. The reminder of her being a slut, easy, immoral, impure, get rid of the reminder that she can be raped easier than those who aren't considered a slut.
She rummages through her bag and rings Fern who she knows will be skipping class, hiding and dawdling,
