Project LGBTeen: A Collection of Short Stories

Part 5: Patrick

Hi! So polaroidgrey recommended your story and said that people should submit their stories, so here goes nothing I'm just gonna start right off the bat by saying that life is tough. Everyone knows this. I'm young, and people would most likely not believe me if i came out as transgender. The only person I told is my best friend (we will call her Sky) and she always calls me by my name and the right pronouns. I'm too scared to tell anyone else. My name is Patrick. Nice to meet you! I'm a transboy who has to deal with long hair and a big chest. I know for a fact my family would not support me. They aren't super religious or anything, they just don't understand it. They don't know how it feels to want to be me. Now the good thing is I'm a very feminine trans boy. I guess you could say I'm non-binary, but I am a boy and I wish I was able to show it. As a kid, I didn't know what was wrong. I played football with the boys and wasn't afraid to get dirty. But as I grew up, I noticed my discomfort with myself. It was this one time in class, actually. I remember feeling really uncomfortable, and I was like "what the hell? Why am I feeling like this?" After a little bit, I figured out I was uncomfortable with my body. And I HATE it. I was on the internet more and I figured out more about my gender and sexuality. I spent almost two years damaging my body and bringing myself down. These were extremely dark times for me. I felt hopeless and the worse part was was that nobody noticed. Then I decided to get better. That's around the time Sky figured out about me, and she calls me Patrick daily. It makes me so happy. See, it was mostly okay. Up until when there was locker rooms. I hated the locker rooms. It just kept reminding me I was a girl (when I'm really not ! !) and how i was in this body. I felt like I was in hell. I just wanted to be happy and I can't do that. I made a binder out of an old tank top and duct tape. I put layers and layers on and it actually works. I put my hair up under a beanie and I fill in my eyebrows. I look like a boy. It's great. Yet, even through this, I love wearing girly clothes. Sometimes I wear makeup. I want to be a pretty boy. I follow this guy on Instagram named Ascher Lucas whom I look up to. He's transgender and often wears makeup. I want to be like that, I want to be a pretty boy. I have a boyfriend. I love him so much and I'm so scared that he'll leave me if I come out as trans. He's straight, what do I do? Some of my friends think I'm gender-fluid. Which for awhile I thought I was, then I found that I wanted to always be the same gender. A feminine boy. I guess I'm still on the journey, and hopefully soon I can come out to more people and they will support me. But my family? Probably not. If I come out to them as pansexual (which I am) they probably wouldn't mind too much, but I don't think they like transgenders. Especially my dad. So, hopefully along the rode it gets better for me. This isn't the end of my adventure, I still have plenty of places to go in life. Wish me luck :-D{my account is fall-out-bye btw!}