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Depression | phan [completed]

Fanfiction

Dan Howell is depressed. Phil Lester is not. Dan Howell doesn't want anyone to know. Phil Lester just wants to help. Dan Howell thinks he's alone. Phil Lester wants to be there. Dan Howell pretends he's okay. Phil Lester knows he isn't. ///// *tr...

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Forty Five

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by literallyxphanxtrash

by literallyxphanxtrash

d a n

I hate myself.

I'm worthless. I have no reason for anyone to love me. That is why I hate myself.

I woke up at three in the morning. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I looked at my stomach. I'm fat. I looked in the mirror. I'm ugly. Suddenly, my fisted hand was pained. My knuckles were cut and bleeding. I looked at my hand in shock. I looked back into the mirror. It had a big crack in it. The scary part is that I don't remember punching the mirror. I threw away my blade, but I had a scary urge to hurt myself. Why was I so stupid? I shouldn't've thrown it away. I dug through my medicine drawer. What am I doing? I stopped. I slammed the drawer. I started shaking and I fell on my knees and I cried. I tried to think of my parents, and Phil, and my friends. But I still felt alone. I was just glad that I woke up in the morning. Because I was alive.

I'm worthless. I have no reason for anyone to love me. That is why I hate myself.

I hate myself.