Ki$$ & $ell: Chapter Two

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All I could think after McCartney and Phin told me their genius plan, was that they’d either smoked something or that they’d gone completely insane. And not the cute Britney-Spears-letting-her-infant-son-drive-her-car crazy, but the Michael-Jackson-dangling-his-baby-out-a-window or Tom-Cruise-jumping-all-over-Oprah’s-couch-like-a-maniac crazy.

            “You guys are seriously considering this?” I asked as they turned on my computer and sat side by side in front of it.

            “It’s perfect!” McCartney said, turning around to look at her. “We are going to sell your first kiss on eBay.”

EBay, Schmebay. This was my so-called love life we were talking about here. And their answer was to hand it off to the highest bidder? As if there was enough money in the world for that. Besides, there’s no way that I’d sunk that low yet.

Had I?

            “EBay exists so people can sell items, not people,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Or their kisses.”

            “I heard that one guy tried to sell his mother-in-law on eBay, just because she bugged the hell outta him,” Phin offered, tapping away at the keyboard.

            Now they were lumping me in the same category as annoying in-laws. I tried to burn the backs of their heads with my best death ray stare, but neither of them even flinched. I sighed, giving up on punishing them for the time being.

On the bright side, I could always sell McCartney and Phin on eBay and buy a new set of friends if this whole G.A.A.K. thing went terribly wrong. I quickly snapped out of my brief daydream and realized I was still in the land of loony.

            “You guys, no one’s going to want to bid on my first kiss,” I said. “If I can’t get anyone to do it for free, why would anyone pay to kiss me?”

            “It’s the intrigue of the whole thing,” McCartney answered. “Now, are you in or out?”

            I took a minute to think about how potentially embarrassing their plan could be. If people at school found out, it would be like social suicide. And I sort of had the desire to get out of high school alive.

            “Don’t you have to be at least 18 to post something?” I asked, looking for a way out.

            “She’s right,” Phin said, looking at the screen.

            “So, we’ll get an adult to sign off on it,” McCartney said. She stood up and walked out of the room. Phin and I looked at each other, as McCartney disappeared. This was not good.

            A few minutes later, McCartney was back and my mom was standing in the middle of my room alongside her.

            “Mrs. Sawyer, we would like permission to sell Arielle’s first kiss on eBay,” McCartney said. “But we need someone over 18 to say it’s okay.”

            “You want to sell her kiss on eBay?” my mom asked slowly.

            “Well, you know, it’s about time she kissed someone already—you said that yourself,” McCartney said. “We’re just trying to help her along. Give her a wider selection to choose from.”

            “Plus, it’d be an experience she’d never forget,” Phin added.

            “And you want to do this?” Mom asked, turning to look at me.

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