cry baby ♥︎ phan (discontinued)

a brief intermission

>> just re-published to fix a few typos

the weekend was a strange one.

that friday night had continued just like any other one, except i had been texting tyler and josh until two in the morning. i didn't have a nightmare - i think my brain was too tired at that point to come up with one.

on saturday, tyler called and asked if he could come over to work in the project. i said no. he said why. i told him my uncle was a dick and he said okay, how about you come over to my place?

"maybe," i replied. "but i don't know where your place is."

"house number twenty one on gold street. the neighbourhood is called calvary, i think? and the house is bright blue because my family is weird."

after i showered and got dressed (a pink t-shirt hidden under an old sweater, black jeans, and pink vans that i laced on outside the house), i then told my uncle that i would go to the grocery store nearby. it wasn't a lie, really- afterwards i planned on heading to the grocery. i don't know if he cared, but when i left the house he didn't seem to, and also didn't notice i had left the house in just socks.

i had to keep my so-called "girl" clothes hidden from him. he was a firm believer in gender roles. and also other things. like "gay is bad" and "girls < boys" and other dumb things that i wish i could punch him right in the face for - i don't know, at this point i'm rambling. but anyway, i have to keep my shoes outside in a bush (i always shake them out like crazy afterwards because bugs are the demons of this world) and i keep my other clothes concealed, too. it's kind of a hassle but my aesthetic is too cute to abandon.

that's what i tell myself, anyway.

i searched up the address on my phone. it would have taken half an hour to walk there, and that meant half an hour in the hot sun, and i was about to turn back to the air-conditioning of my house when i see an old skateboard on the side of the driveway. my mom got that for me a few years ago- it had been a strong lilac purple then but was now grey from the sun and brown from the dirt. i rarely ever used it, but i still remembered how. so i used it.

it still took twenty minutes to get there. that was okay, though, because it ended up being worth it.

when i got to tyler's house i could hear loud drums and emotional singing from outside. the sound seemed to be coming from the upstairs of the house, drifting outside the slightly opened window.

for a moment i wondered whether i was at the right place, but the house was bright blue and the number was twenty-one. and i was pretty sure i heard tyler yelling his head off, too.

i walked to the door. i stood at the door. for a long time. i had forgotten about the whole concept of having to knock on the door, then talk to the people who answered the door, as well as the people inside. i had forgotten how much i hated it.

why did you come here, really? i thought to myself. was there a reason or did it just happen? did you really want to go? you should turn back around.

but i didn't turn back around, because i heard a loud voice and the sounds of movement from inside, and the door opened (as well as almost hit me in the face). i jumped backwards, surprised.

"dude, why were you just standing outside the door?" tyler's voice sounded loud. he hadn't seemed to remember that the drumming had stopped and he didn't have to yell over it anymore. "did someone shoot you with a freeze ray? come inside!"