The Girl Next Door > jariana (COMPLETED)

forty-eight

Justin

I tried not to think of Mike and Ariana being friends and wondered if he'd tried to make a move on her yet. The thought of him touching her soft, clean skin with his smelly cigarette hands made my ears ring. The sad fact was; I had to get over it. He wasn't going anywhere. He was near her and I wasn't. I could only hope that if he did come on to her, that she'd kick him in the nuts. I had no room to complain because Rachel was hanging around too.

I didn't tell anyone I'd been talking to Ariana again, my feelings for her were stronger than ever, but it didn't mean anything either. We couldn't be together. She was bound to get over me at some point and find another boyfriend. The thought of someone else being with her made my ulcers burn. The ulcers were the lovely side effect from all my pill popping. I had no idea how bad the physical toll was that they'd taken on me. I'd lost nearly ten pounds by the end. I was a disheveled mess and looked like shit. The good thing was the ulcers were slowly healing. Each day was a struggle and the only outlets I had were my music and calling my sponsor, Amy James, in addition to Narcotics Anonymous meetings.

I was determined not to be druggie like those people in the meetings. Some of them were successful and some of them had lost it all. Lost their families, husbands, wives, and their babies were born addicted. My situation came on so fast I didn't want to admit I was stuck.

Dump was my supportive load-baring wall. I didn't know what I'd do without him. He knew exactly what I was going through. The depression and withdrawal effect were the most agonizing things I'd ever gone through, sweating and reeking with weakness. I think if Dump hadn't gone through the same thing, he'd beaten my ass and left the band for good. Thinking how everything unfolded after my drug bust made me cringe. I'd attacked Dump when he tried to block my exit from the rehab facility, ripping and tearing at his favorite, vintage Sid and Nancy t-shirt. I'd destroyed it. He'd bear hugged me until I could barely breath and the sobs that followed came deep from within me. I still couldn't believe I behaved that way.

Once again Ariana and I made plans to see each other with Kyle's help. It was just after dark and I sat wringing my hands and running them through my hair in nervous anticipation of her arrival. My hair, I thought. Ariana didn't know I'd let the blonde dye grow out and fade away. It wasn't as dark as it was before I dyed it, but it was certainly brown enough, much like my mother's. Would she recognize me?

I'd developed a new, acceptable habit of drinking coffee. Coffee was my new vice. I knew exactly where every Starbuck's location was on any well-traveled route I took. I was painfully eager and watched every car pull into the parking lot through my dusty, water spotted window and when I recognized Kyle's black Toyota Land Cruiser, my hands tingled. Kyle's girlfriend sat in the front seat. Ariana was in the back. I rubbed my damp palms on my jeans and stood up from the stool, then sat back down. I laughed to myself and looked around to see if anyone noticed my indecisiveness. All the people around were in the midst of their own preoccupied coffee loving antics of putting cream in their cups and slurping away, their faces lit up by their computer screens.

I stepped outside and Ariana approached me, apprehensively. The closer she got the more I felt that familiar verve that brought me to life. Her doe-like eyes searched mine, cautiously. "Hey, you," she said tenderly, as if I would break if she spoke any louder. "Look at your hair, you look so different and so much better. I was so worried about you."

I was such a pussy now. I felt like I could cry, instead I bit down on the inside of my mouth, hard. "Time and lockdown does wonders," I said, trying to be humorous. I was afraid to touch her.

She reached out, wrapping her arms around me and held me snug. My arms floated, taking her tighter against me. I felt my eyelids droop as I dropped five levels into temporary paradise. I rested my cheek on her head and breathed her in, burying my face into her hair. I took her face into my hands. She was crying, tears wetting her face. I kissed her eyes and her cheeks, tasting their saltiness.