Unexpressed thoughts

toxic love

I can't live like this. It's eating me alive. I fucking love you..you can't seem to understand that. I give you my all..to be let down even more. When I claimed I loved you, I didn't want you to leave me for her and hug her right in front of me. You think it's not a big deal..it is to me. It's ruining my life.

 You're a drug to me. You're so addicting, I can't get enough of you. You make me forget about everything and everyone else for a while. I can't pull myself away though. I need you. How are you helping, though? But in the long run, this toxic love is making me sick. 

You may think of it as nothing, but I hope one day, you'll just notice, care, and feel the same. But that's just a dream that could never happen. I've tried it all, already. I've tried getting someone else, but it's not the same as you. I don't feel the same that I do for you. I wanted to change myself for you. I starved myself for you. I developed an eating disorder so I could be pretty enough for you. I'm bulimic now, I rarely eat. And when I do- I want to puke it right back up. I eat one little portion each day, but nobody knows or frankly even cares. 

I don't know what's so great about her that made you reject me completely. You always bring her into every conversation, and that's what hurts the most..

You tell me to get over you. DONT YOU THINK IVE FUCKING TRIED?! It doesn't feel the same. When he kisses me, it's not the same as when you did. When he says he loves me, I don't feel like I would when you would say it. I don't want him. I don't want anyone else. I only want you, and I can't help it. You treat me like absolute garbage- why am I still head over heels for you? 

Too much has happened for you to ever like me that way. To you, I'm just that crazy, slutty, depressed whore who claims she's obsessed with you. 

You've broken my heart, you've broken me. I rarely smile anymore. The closest thing I have to a smile is a fake, forced, half smile. Even now, when you slightly glance at me, it can cause me to breakdown into pieces.

WHY CANT YOU JUST FEEL THE SAME. I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND FEEL SO ALONE AND YOURE ALL I HAVE AND ID GIVE YOU MY FUCKING ALL. BUT YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT. 

~heartbreak is much more depressing than any book or movie could make it seem~