Falling For The Slut

Chapter Thirty - Life thoughts while studying

"Just because I get the majority of boys doesn't mean you all have to be jealous," I smirked, and they just pulled their eyebrows together, at least most of them.

"But I appreciate you all looking up to me." I finally said and walked away.

The whole week, I tried to ignore Reece, in some way, it was his fault that the slut shaming got worse, he and Ellie broke up. Everybody gave me the fault of their break up and they say that that I even was so desperate that I had to break healthy relationships.

But what nobody of them knew, was that I didn't even know what happened, or why they broke up. Sure I knew about Ryans feelings for Ellie, but I don't know... would she really?

I don't think so she wouldn't do that to Reece, he would be devastated, just like Tiffany is right now. She liked Ryan...

Tiffany, of course, wasn't really happy about it, but she wasn't against it either. She sure had a crush on Ryan, but it wasn't that big of a crush. So moving on wouldn't be a problem for her, like it was for me.

Tiffany helped me a lot these days, we had searched for available places to live, and we even found one. This Saturday I was going to look over it, and decide whenever I'll take it or not.

I had three months till college was starting, so I was going to live there for the next three months.

I also got accepted into NYU. I was really happy about this, that they actually choose me. Sure I was a straight A+ student, even if it is really unusual for a slut to be that good in school, school always was important for me and my parents expected excellent results from me too.

And whenever I gave them what they want, I got a surprise. This time, they bought me an apartment in Manhattan, and I really liked it, but I actually wanted to spend more time with them.

Even if they beat me up a lot, they still are my parents and I love them...

The house was still a mess, I tried to clean up a bit every day, but it was more difficult than thought. The whole glass table was destroyed, and splinters lay everywhere.

I stood up and walked to the still closed curtains, and slightly opened them, imagining Reece on the other side of the street.

Like he did a few days ago. He stood there, on the other side, and I wanted him to be here by me. I wanted him to say 'I love you.' But I also knew he wasn't going to. He may have broken up with Ellie, but he still just sees me as the slut in the school.

Tomorrow Carlos and I were going to break up, but I actually don't want to. I mean I don't love him, but he somehow saved me from this whole insulting.

I think he didn't want to break up so early either. I'm going to ask him if we could do it till prom. Prom was just two weeks from now on, and I actually thought about not going at all.

But then there were the girls, from school who expected me to even be prom queen. I couldn't say no, I mean it was part of the stereotype I guess.

I continued to study till night, and the whole time all I heard, was my shaky breathing and my fast heart beat. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to stay strong and keep myself from even thinking about it.

I had to stay strong just two weeks. Two weeks and I would be out of college, and in Roselle. Two weeks and my life would change to something else. Maybe I find new love.

Maybe...

But I only wanted Reece to be with me. I wanted him to hold my hand, and hug me tightly, to say everything will be fine.

I wanted him to do so many things, but he did nothing. He doesn't even know I felt this way, he just saw what I did, he saw my unacceptable behavior. My slutty ways of getting what I want.

My way of getting 'popularity'. I was the girl everyone thought about when the synonym for 'slut' was said. 'Prostitute'

I was the girl everyone hated, the bitch. But nobody saw the real me. They saw what I did, but they never saw what I felt at that exact moment. 

They heard my voice, but not the crack.

They felt my breath, but never the shake in it.

They saw right through my eyes but never saw the depressed broken girl's soul behind them. 

All they saw, were my closed eyes, like a door I never opened, like a lock without a key, like a code without a password.

There was no key to all of this. But there were emotions. And whenever I felt sad or tired, I slowly opened them to someone.

But till now, nobody saw them. Nobody saw the broken one.

Nobody saw the broken slut, behind the deep blue eyes.

Nobody saw the real me...