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XXXVI : Park Jimin

A junior of mine confessed to me on Valentine's day. Jinhee told me to ask her out since she was my type, it felt weird, but I agreed to her suggestion anyways.

I've always said that I like people with similarities with me since I would understand how they feel and I could relate to them, the same case with girls.On our date, I learned that we actually had so many things and tastes in common. I almost enjoyed being with her, until she asked about Jinhee.

There, words could not stop flowing out of me about how great and precious Jinhee is.

Oddly, Sujin chuckled. Saying, "My assumption is right, then. So you are in love with her, sunbaenim.."

You might take me as a jerk, but I admit that I was being one at that time, since I answered her with an

"I am, am I?"

I used to like that fact, I used to think that the feeling was beautiful. But then one day, we were given an art assignment in pairs. I was teamed with Taehyung while she was with Jungkook. I knew that she liked Jungkook, and I felt happy for her, I even teased her for being in the same team with Jungkook. But when I saw the two of them laughing at me who was getting bothered by Taehyung, my eyes met hers. I don't know why, but that day,  I thought that she looked so beautiful laughing. I felt myself falling a little deeper. I wished that her days would be filled with laughter and happiness. I know that I am unable to give her that. But then here's the thing,

I can't stop myself from going towards her if that was how things were.

We got a Bangtan practice that day after school. I came a bit later than everyone else, and Jungkook was freestyling with Hoseok when I opened the door. They stopped moving the moment they saw me. Jungkook then smiled and greeted me hello. I've always felt that Jungkook likes her too. It came to me during the whole practice, a feeling saying that Jungkook deserves her way more than I do.

So, when the practice is over, I asked Jungkook if we could talk.

His response after I encouraged him to walk towards Jinhee was shining eyes and a big smile, saying "Thank you, Jimin!"

After intensely contemplating, I decided to leave the world. I thought that I've already did all I can do for her, and that this is the best thing I can do to everyone. I thought that it was right. 

I thought.

Everything was going as planned. Jungkook took her on a date. I told her to call me when she reached home and she did. She told me that everything went out well, I smiled and told her my last goodbye by heart as she was slowly falling asleep.

The next thing I saw after drowning was void black. I didn't know where it was, but I wasn't even curious. There I felt no time, no hunger, no pain, no happiness nor sadness, I felt nothing. It was like being awake and being in a deep sleep at the same time. 

But then I heard a voice calling my name, waking me up. Then I saw her. I saw her crying in her sleep, I saw her locking herself in, I saw her skipping her meals and staring at walls and blank canvases for hours. I saw her health condition dropping for she denied sleep, I saw her lively face turn pale and her beautiful eyes gaining dark circles as its frame. From there I started feeling again, I felt the most dire guilt I could ever describe towards her.

Then I saw my friends coming to visit her. She was smiling, and even laughing in front of them. They thought she was finally getting better, because they didn't see her burying her face on her folded arms waiting for them to leave, taking in deep breaths before facing them, and zoning out once in a while on conversations.

But I did, I saw her do all that.  

After curling on her bed all night thinking, she talked to her mom the next morning that she decided to return to school.