Leland (Work In Progress)

Tomorrow

"Leland!"

A sonorous cry broke through the deluge of pain accompanying my migraine. Cathy, the centre's coordinator, had called me as I was about to leave for home.

God, can't I get a break, just once? One goddamned break is all I ask for!

I was at the front doors, so close to being out of there. Instead of ignoring her, I turned back and listened to her spiel.

Why me? Why must I take this crap?!

"You, know, Dane, you're not alone. Come back anytime you want. This centre is opened to all and you know that we're here to help you through...blah blah blah blah blah...".

I don't know how much more of this I can take. The whole entire being told 'you matter' crap is grinding on my nerves. I don't plan on going down the 'wrong' path, I'm not one bit angry or anything like that. For some reason, though, coming to this youth centre on Wednesdays is apparently going to 'save' me. How? I have no idea. What is it that I need saving from? Ask the people sending me here, my parents – really, my school.

I should be thankful that there are people who care about me. Should I, really? I know that teens nowadays are getting into all sorts of stuff like drugs, getting pregnant, and joining gangs but, I don't see how I fall into this image of teenage rebellion. I get good marks (not the best as of recent but, still...), I don't misbehave or even talk back.

This is truly a bizarre. How could a kid like me be stuck with this crap, then? Do I really have 'problems'?

Enough of this. Think positively!

I walked to my house alone at around 7 p.m., the centre was long behind me. Don't get the idea of this lonely kid walking down a sidewalk on a dark night, shoulders hunched, eyes bloodshot, going home to cry and write in his diary. I'm not like that! Am I?

I reached home. A turn of the key, light push of the door and voilà: the shit-shack I called home. Okay, so my living conditions aren't really best described as 'shitty', maybe 'lower-middle class' or something like that. Who am I to complain? At least, I was out of my Dad's place.

Dear God! I sound like those typical kids whose parents are divorces. A white kid with a single parent living in the suburbs. The icing on the cake, he's got 'problems'. What a cliché my life is!

I must admit, there are times when I wish I could escape from this life and find something better. I can dream, can't I? Oh well, stuck in this rut, I can't escape what is so familiar to me (my limited imagination won't let me).

I head to the bathroom to find that bottle of Advil I keep behind the mirror. Migraines are something I find I can't escape from either. My brain is giving me a message that I should slow down. Too bad, school plus counselling on Wednesdays plus bouncing between my Mom and Dad is what I have to deal with and apparently that's too much to handle.

Dane Leland, a boy who is in way over his head but, still manages to 'get by' (whatever that means).

Damn, I need to get out of this rut.

I took an Advil and went into my bedroom. Lying on my bed, I made a resolution to be more positive. Right now, I probably was giving off that whole 'emotional disaster' feeling. I closed my eyes and unintentionally dozed off on that thought.

That was some migraine. Don't stress out so much – think positive thoughts. Tomorrow, tomorrow will be better.