Stumbling through the dark

Silhouette

It was a very happy group that had joined together to spend time with the newly married couple. Aoife and Taylor showed all their  vacation photographs and they all watched the wedding video together, laughing at the footage  from the Reception showing Niall, Harry, Louis and Liam dancing, or rather trying to dance  during the evening. The videographer had panned around the guests at various points during the evening and Niall suddenly found his attention taken by someone who was standing well back, almost completely in the shadows. There was something about the silhouette pinged on the very edge of his memory but it remained an elusive memory.   He dismissed it from his mind and rejoined the conversation.

When everyone had left, Niall spent a  a hour picking up around the house and getting everything straight. The car was coming quite early the next morning to take him and the other band members to the airport. They were flying out to the USA to continue the next stage of the tour. Niall was really looking forward to it. He was feeling quite well again. It  irritated him that he wasn't allowed any alcohol and only allowed bland food but he supposed it was a small price to pay considering it would prevent the return of his stomach issues. The only fly in the ointment was the fact that he was going to have to put up with constantly being monitored by the Tour Doctor. Niall caught sight of the clock and headed off to bed. The morning would come only too soon.

Niall stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around his waist then grabbed another to dry his hair as he  walked back into his bedroom. His suitcase and the abandoned notes were still on his bed. He snapped the suitcase shut and put it by the door before collecting up the wrapping paper and note, shoving them back in the drawer before climbing into bed where he soon fell asleep. His dreams were filled with strange , shadowy figures, flowers and notes. He woke up to his alarm shrilling, feeling exhausted .

Niall checked everything one last time to make sure nothing had been forgotten. Now where had he written down Aoife's new cell phone number? Had he put it in his wallet? He opened it up and started checking through various bits of paper he'd stashed there. There was one, slightly dog eared piece of paper. He pulled it out . opened it and read:

"Nialler, I know you are mad at me but please don't hate me. I know you didn't want me to do what I did but I just had to prevent the media knowing the truth about things. I couldn't bear the thought of them destroying you with their speculation and lies. It was the only way I could protect you. That Carly Evans is pure evil and she'd have stopped at nothing to get her story. I couldn't let her do that, not to you, not to any of the boys..

Ni, Management have got me over a barrel. You know we have both been forbidden to say what happened in Hong Kong and they won't let that be known but if they can get any milage out of recent events, they will. Simon knew what I had planned to do. He wasn't thrilled at the way I was going to do it but he is on our side. He tried to talk me out of it, even gave Louis my private number to see if I'd listen to him. He did his best but though I listened to what he said , I never had any intention of doing what you all wanted.

Tell the boys I am sorry I didn't stick around after the TV interview. I wanted to protect you all from Management as I am supposed to have absolutely no contact with you. I didn't want to be seen talking to any of you which is why I ignored you all during the interview and left as soon as I could. I was so scared when you collapsed but knew I had to vanish. I just hope Management don't punish you for my breaking the rules.

The five years I had with the four of you were the best I have ever known.. I know I wasn't as whole heartedly into it all as the rest of you but you all wormed your way into my heart, especially you Ni. You were, and still are, the precious little brother I never had. Even though I am not with you anymore, I will always feel the need to protect you. It's something big brothers do so you'll just have to put up with it.

Nialler, you can get through this, I know you can. I know you'll struggle at times and things will maybe get so hard you want to give up. But promise me that you won't. You're a fighter Ni. So fight this every step of the way. And I have one more promise that I want you to make to me. Please? This is important to me. Niall, promise that you'll never, ever try and take your own life again. The world without you in it would be too hard to even contemplate , especially for me.

I keep having to hide in the bathroom when I hear the nurses coming to check on you. I'm not supposed to be here but I can't come during the day and risk running into the boys or anyone from Management. Please tell the lads that I'm sorry I disappointed them and didn't listen but we all have to follow the path that is meant for us. The media has already labelled me the 'bad boy' and Management have encouraged that. It made sense for me to be the one to do something stupid so I know it has put them off the scent. Better them know about my suicide attempt than yours. And there had already been rumours about me regarding that, anyway. You'll be safe now from their delving.

I'll be back in the US by the time you read this. I am going to stay out of your lives now. I want you to know that even though our paths won't cross again, I will always love my four brothers. Stay safe for me, little bro.

Your big brother,

Zayn

It was the letter Zayn had written to him all those years ago. Niall suddenly sat down on the bed, the hand holding the note was shaking. He stared at it, eyes filled with tears then something in his memory pulled at him. He reached into the bedside cabinet drawer and pulled out the papers he'd stuffed in there. He held them next to the letter. The writing was the same!