Before Killing Was Cool ➊ FRERARD

25: Guilt Tripping Mikey Way

C h a p t e r | T w e n t y - F i v e

Present Day - Mikey

Mikey Way wishes it was him.

Alicia brought him back into the station after she crashed at her house. He hasn't told her anything about what drove him to ask for her help last night, but he's definitely starting to think for all the messed up and illegal stuff he's done, he should be the one in a jail cell, not Pete. What was he thinking breaking into the Wentz household? He's so unbelievably lucky that Pete's dad ended up letting him go. A 'get out of jail free' card.

He stares around the familiar faces at the station, taking in how shabby they look from eight months of chasing this case. They know him well by this point. Sometimes he doesn't get to talk to Alicia anymore because the others want a go at interrogating him.

The detective agency think he's depressed because of the loss of his brother, so what better way to worsen this than to make him talk about it nearly every day? Do you regret how you treated Frank Iero, Michael? Do you blame yourself for what happened to everyone?

Maybe if you hadn't bullied Frank, Michael, he wouldn't have felt the need to shoot up your school, and your friends would still be alive, and your brother would still be with you.

Like he doesn't feel crappy enough. He was just starting to get over the whole wishful dying phase. He starts to evaluate everything that's happened in these eight months, all the way from April through to December, every piece of the broken puzzle trying to amend itself.

Months ago, Mikey received a call from an unknown number which he answered in tears. There was nothing but silence on the other end but he pretended, somehow, that it was his brother trying to talk to him from a place far away. The police said they wouldn't track it.

He remembers how insane that made him feel. How much he mourns to this day. How much he'll beg Alicia to help him get through it all after the setback of last night - because it was a setback, right? Even though Pete's family have that money set aside for his bail, and Mikey will hopefully get what he wants, it's turned him back into that shell-shocked kid he was back in school.

Alicia asks him to talk. Fair enough, she wants to know what the hell is going on. Before he can even contemplate last night, the words always on his mind are coming free:

"If Gerard didn't save me, he'd still be here."

Opposite him, Alicia drags a hand down her face. Not this again. Haven't they got past the guilt and moved on to something more constructive? What the hell was this kid doing last night before he called her at three o'clock in the morning? But as always, she's here simply to listen, not to make him feel like a worthless broken record. She takes the bait and plays the game for a little while.

"But you wouldn't," she argues.

"That's the point."

"Have you seriously considered therapy? I think even I'll be signing up for some after this. Every day with you is starting to feel the same." She's done playing the game. Mikey stares at his hands like there's still blood on them after all this time and she's quick to anger. "I haven't had the chance to explain the recent logistics on my side. Not about Pete but about Frank."

"What do you mean?" Mikey asks.

"I'm going to give it to you straight, Mikey. Look, they're still on this case, as you know, God knows why. And they're still treating you as a suspect for harassment, and effectively since Frank is long gone and the other kids who hurt him are dead, you're the only one they can blame. You know what that means?"