Before Killing Was Cool ➊ FRERARD

18: Through Sickness, Health And Adulthood

C h a p t e r | E i g h t e e n

Present Day - Mikey

The rest of the day melts away in a blur. Every word that's choke out from Mikey's lips is the unfiltered truth - how Pete aided the shooting and everything that happened afterwards: pretending to care for and help Mikey, to take him into his arms like a bird with a broken wing, promising to let him fly free when he healed but instead trapping him in an iron cage. Mikey is a spectacle to be admired and toyed with.

He reluctantly speaks of his own weakness, how he believed the older boy and got into a passionate relationship with him. Mikey was a minor when they met and first had sex, but New Jersey has a Romeo and Juliet State Law which makes it barely legal - only immoral. It's the whole 'I was drunk endlessly for months' thing that captures Alicia's concern. If someone is intoxicated, they can't consent. Then Mikey dives into a story of needless abuse.

They take pictures. He has peachy scars on his back from Pete's nails raking at his skin, fingertip-shaped marks twisted around his upper arms. The imprint of a ring on his cheekbone after he was caught in another crossfire. A patchy, almost unnoticeable bald spot at the back of his head from where his hair was tugged too hard. It's all in the evidence files now, and it piles and piles up.

He's a tattletale. He's given it all up, laid bare on a silver platter for any vulture to nibble on. His life can be passed over in documents and criminal records. But the bird inside him has noticed that the iron bars of its cage have swung open, and all he needs to do now is take a leap of faith and test his wings.

Alicia asks if Pete ever forced himself upon him and Mikey is doubtful on how to answer. Sure, he was drunk pretty much every time in the last six months they've slept together but it was never violent. He led Pete on, teased him. Or that's what he was told. Sex is an important part of their relationship and this is the question that bugs him the most. What did he really want? Alicia gives him sad, sad eyes in response.

It's no surprise that Pete's parents aren't home when the police come to arrest him.

Mikey doesn't come with them. He doesn't even hang back in the shadows, peering from nearby bushes - he doesn't want to see any of it. He wonders exactly what the list of charges are. Accessory to murder, domestic violence, maybe even supplying someone underage with alcohol despite being underage himself (which carries up to six months in prison alone). Being over eighteen, these are no juvenile offences. Will they bring out the dreaded R word if he refuses to have a kit done or tell them exactly how their sex life went down?

He wonders if this will bring out Pete's mom and dad. Will they meet Mikey and blame him for their son's impending doom? Will they weep, or will they pay someone off and brush it under the rug like they did with his DUI charge?

Pete already has a criminal record and Mikey hopes this will come into play as painting him as the villain he is. The villain of Mikey's story, anyway. Character development gone wrong. He can't believe he was ever by this man's side.

Yet at the same time, the guilt doesn't fade. He knows he's doing the right thing - to protect Patrick and himself at the very least - but how long until he regrets this? How long until he wishes to take him back? He can already feel his emotions somersaulting against his stomach, a further drop of serotonin as he lets it set in that he's going to lose someone he cares about, no matter how darkly.

He gathers his possessions from Pete's house when it's over, watched closely by the cops to make sure he isn't stealing liquor or anything of the sort. He asks for help bringing the goldfish tank home with Joe inside, still swimming around in happy circles.