Before Killing Was Cool ➊ FRERARD

15: I Brought You Bullets, Now Give Me Love

C h a p t e r | F i f t e e n

Present Day - Frank

"So... Bob," I say after a few minutes of silence, shifting closer to Gerard on the sofa as if I'm instinctively protecting him from this frankly untrustworthy-looking stranger, "you're not mad at Ray for nearly murdering you?"

"That would be hypocritical of me," he points out with a small smile - a peace offering after seeing how uneasy I am.

I'm vaguely irked that Ray never told me this story in its entirety himself until he went on the run. More on that later. I found out from Pete that I was probably never going to see him again and apparently it was this guy's fault. Or some girl I never met. The whole ordeal seems pretty dramatic.

"And this girl," I continue with narrowed eyes, not buying his act, "was she worth almost dying over?"

"I thought so at the time," he says softly, "but I never thought it would go as far as it did. I thought that I was in love with her but now I know I was using that statement as an excuse for my jealousy of Ray - I knew he was seeing her when I was too, and as for who was cheating on who, well, it's all speculation. That wasn't the point, though. I felt guilty about betraying my best friend so I just let it carry on in secret, knowing she was sneaking around with Ray and... Eventually Ray found out she was still seeing me and she had skipped town at that point, and we both just lost it at each other, I guess. I never saw him again until now nor have I seen his ex. Maybe she's the one that ended up dead."

My cool demeanour slips out of my grasp at the new information and I snap. "So in other words, you ruined his life. He was chased away, pronounced your killer and dead, stuck in hiding while you could do whatever you pleased, the moron lets you crash at his house, on his bed, and you're not on your knees at his feet begging for forgiveness?" At the end, I'm yelling, furious.

Bob opens his mouth to defend himself but stops when he looks at Gerard. I follow Bob's gaze to look at him, noticing his head shrunken into his shoulders, breathing shallowly.

"You're scaring him," Bob notes irritably - the first time I've seen him even a little bitter.

"What do you know?" I huff but I tentatively reach a hand out toward Gerard, only to let him pull away.

"You don't have the right to be mad at me, Frank." Bob cocks his head and keeps his eyes trained on Gerard who's sitting with a tightened jaw and vague fear hidden behind the hair brushed over his eyes. "What I got Ray and I into was a mistake, an accident. It's all in the past and I'm ready to move past it if he is, but you clearly have a lot to work on with your issues."

What the hell issues is he talking about? He doesn't know anything about me or Gerard or our relationship (if you can still call it that). This guy storms into Ray's home after God knows long of being pronounced dead and demands to turn a new leaf, and calls out my rude behaviour? I want to knock out his teeth for being so presumptuous.

"I bet you enjoy the company," Bob goes on, "maybe you took him on purpose for your own entertainment, like a spoilt kid reaching for his favourite toy."

"I'm not a toy," Gerard breathes out.

"A pet, then," Bob counters.

"Shut up," I snarl. Gerard looks like he might cry, being reminded how he got here and thinking how little he must mean to me. He's got it all wrong and I want to tell him to listen to me, only me.

"You are his pet," Bob addresses Gerard directly, "and when you get older and weaker, he'll put you down."

My heart drops when I see it on Gerard's face that he believes Bob's cruel words. But I can't blame the blond intruder; I can only blame myself for the irrevocable physical and emotional damage I've bestowed on him over the months. I keep saying I'll change and things will improve but old habits die hard, and deep down I know I'm a terrible person who will continue to hurt the people I care about.