A journey from haram to halal

chapter 12

Because I love you dear...

10:18pm june 18 at that moment my prince charming proposed me.....the awaited moment of life....at that moment when my whole house was sleeping.....at that moment when the moon was staring at both of us...at that moment when my heart skipped a beat.....at that moment I came to know that what I wanted was within my reach....

Even though I was longing for those three words from him, I didn't expect him to propose me like that.....I got numb for a minute....I didn't know how to react....I didn't reply....so after few minutes he called me....

Zam: assalamualaikum

Me: valaikumussalam....

i wasn't able to talk to him like before....even if this was what I wished for....I replied to salam and didn't utter another word....he waited for a while and....

Zam: are you angry with me. ..

Me: no

Zam: then why are you so silent....I don't know this zaara.....is this zaara itself. ...

Me: yes its me....

Zam: what happened? You hate for what I said.....

Me: no

Zam: then what....I was just joking.....

Even though what he said last hurted me a little bit....I was relieved that I dont need to face such an awkward moment....

Me: mmmk

Zam: you seemed unhappy...should I change it and tell you that I am serious about what I said....

My heart started to beat crazily.....oh allah whats happening to me....but I remained silent....I don't know what to say.....

Zam: speak up girl...why are you so silent....

Me: I am sorry zaman....I am not in a situation to be in a relationship.....I will call you later....

I don't know what I was saying....I can't accept him....I can't accept anyone....I dont wanna trust anyone....I dont know what to do.....

I texted fida and ziya....they were on air when I told them that he proposed me but I didn't tell them about my reply....may be they were so sure that I will accept him because that was what I wanted....

But I couldn't.....
After thinking alot I decided to talk to him...

Me: assalamualaikum.....

Zam: valaikumussalam.....

Me: I thought you slept

Zam: then why did you call me...

Me: because I don't want you to sleep.....

Zam: your highness can you please explain me why?

Me: you gave me a sleepless night and you wanna sleep???

Zam: I thought I am the only one who is gonna have a sleepless night.....

Me: no.....actually I wanna tell you something else.....

Zam: go on....you can tell me anything right.....let me guess....are you gonna accept my proposal?

Me: no....

Zam: don't tell me that you are in love with someone else

Me: no idiot...

Zam: idiot???? That was so mean....

Me: sorry....its something serious....

Zam: I am all ears....

Me: do you remember that when you were abroad I told you I wanna tell you two important things....

Zam: yeah....I do remember.....it was about aseef right...

Me: yes....but I didn't tell you about the second important thing...

Zam: OMA...did he hurt you...then I am gonna kill him.....

Me: no...just listen....dont jumb into conclusions

Zam: ok mam....

Me: my sister was in relation with her friend since their 8th grade...and I supported them because I liked that guy who was like a brother to me....he saw me as a little sister.....he always supported me and was there for me when I fight with others.....when my sister was in hostel he always used to call me and I used to share everything with him..I always used to say that I wanna marry someone like him....one day a girl called my sister and told that she is his cousin and he called and said not to be more friendly with his cousin.....so my sister kept a distance.....but one day she called and told her that she is his girlfriend.....they started their relationship when my sister was in hostel...and she asked my sister to leave him....but he called my sister and told that she is lying and she is in love with him and she is fighting to get him...for a few days she didn't call....after a week she called and told that she tried to commit suicide and was admitted in hospital....she gave us her hospital details.....when we enquired about it we came to know that it is true....my sister felt sorry for her. .she was so down....she started to listen to that girl.....one day she asked my sister to keep quiet in a conference call and called him.....in that conversation he admitted everything....the conclusion of that conversation is that he had used that innocent girl.....he cheated her physically and mentally....and he admitted everything ....so my sister backed out and asked him to be with the other girl....but my sister was broken....and I couldn't bear it.....I had suffered alot to bring her back to normal....she is alright now....but deep inside she still the same....I have seen my sister's experience and I also suffered alot ...that's why I don't want to be in a relationship....I lost the trust in love.....I don't think I will be able to love someone....

By this time I couldn't control my tears...because here I am leaving something that I prayed for.....something that I always wanted...something for what I waited all this time.....even though what I wanted was in my hand I am being forced to throw it away....and I was burning inside while doing that....

Zam: its ok dear...what kind of friend will I be if I don't understand you.....but please dont put an end to our friendship....at least I will have you as my friend in my life....and dont think all the guys are same....I will be always there for you.....

When I heard his words I couldn't talk to him any more...so I told him its getting late and I want to sleep and ended the call...and cried to suppress all those feelings... I don't know when I fell asleep....

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Assalamualaikum everyone....I know its a late update but I am sorry....in sha allah I will update...everyone please remember me in your duahs....Please do duah to get shifa for all diseased people....may allah grant us jannah.....ameen