Stumbling through the dark

I'm "Alibaba"

"So why are you here, Zayn?" Liam asked.

"Later, Li." Louis said firmly. There was a bumping sound outside the door and a doctor appeared, along with two orderlies pushing a gurney.

"We'll be taking Mr Horan down to surgery now" the doctor said. You are welcome to wait but it may be some time. If all goes well, he'll be in recovery until he regains consciousness then brought back here.

"How long do you think it will take. Doc?" Liam asked anxiously. 

"I wish I could say but until we get in there and see the damage, I have no real idea. I suspect that it's been a mix of gastric problem, some medication and alcohol  from what Mr Horan managed so tell us when he was conscious. If that's the case , it should be straight forward. Another cause and we  could have major problems. Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll try and keep you informed" With that he left, following the gurney bearing Niall as it disappeared down the corridor.

Harry was leaning against the wall , listening to the doctor as he spoke. He kept staring at the ground in front of him , his shoulder stiff and tense.His fists were clenched at his sides as he resisted the urge to punch Zayn's face. His anger was bubbling up inside him so he pushed himself away from the wall and turned to look at Zayn, raising his hand to strike at him. And just like that, his arm fell back to his side. Zayn had crumbled to the floor, Louis' arms still around him and he looked broken. Harry's anger ebbed away .

The four  men sat in utter silence, all eyes on the clock as it relentlessly ticked the seconds away. Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours and there was still no news. They had mutually agreed not to contact Aoife and Taylor until they knew something definite.  Harry shuffled in his seat then spoke softly "Zayn?"

"Mmmmh. What?" Zayn responded nervously, darting a quick glance at Harry before redirecting his gaze back to the clock.

"Those interviews. The things you said. Why?" Harry wanted to know.

"If I told you the truth, you'd not believe me" Zayn sounded bitter.

"Try me !" Harry immediately challenged. Zayn was silent for a moment , trying to order his thoughts so they would make some kind of sense, before he spoke.

"Management made it hard for me, for all of us. Don't do this, can't do that. Then having to leave like I did. I knew it would hurt    and you'd hate me because I couldn't tell  the truth. Then Niall tried to take his life again and I had to tell you. But I knew then if Management ever knew I'd spoken, they promised I'd pay, they promised they would make you pay. That's why I ran after I told the media it was me not Niall that had made the suicide attempt. I knew if I didn't leave immediately, that if I got caught with any of you. It would happen. So I ran, bad mouthed you. Did everything to build up that wall between us. " Zayn's voice faded into silence.

"The Locket, the one Aoife was wearing at her wedding. Was it from you?" Liam asked and Zayn nodded.

"It had a picture in it. One none of us, including Niall, had never seen before. How'd you get it?" Harry asked and Zayn looked suddenly very shy.

"I couldn't stay away. I made sure you never saw me but I was around as much as I could be. I watched your families grow, I've  been to your concerts, watched  all your interviews. I've even   spoken to you on Twitter and Instagram" Zayn smiled slightly at the astonished looks on their faces as they tried to work that out and failed. "I'm "Alibaba."  I am actually surprised you never caught on. I even donated blood when Ni had his MS treatment because we share the same rare  blood group. I crept in to visit  him some nights as he recovered, just watching him sleep.  I tried to leave , I just never could quite make the break no matter how I tried. I just made sure I never got caught.....until now"

"And now?" Harry said " Do we tell Niall? Are you going to stay?" 

"No, once I know how Niall is, I'll leave. It's better he doesn't see me again. He's moved on, I don't want to cause him more pain. " Zayn said sadly. It hurt, knowing he couldn't stay but he would rather bear the pain himself then break Niall a third time.

The men all lapsed back into silence, each of them pondering what Zayn had told them. Louis especially aware that Zayn suffered his own deep pain because of what he'd done. He'd hurt them all but he didn't deserve to keep punishing himself. And why on earth had Aoife invited him to the wedding? How the h*ll did she even know about him? Louis felt his mind go back to the invitations he had posted for her. He'd thrown them on the passenger seat and the pile had fanned out. He'd caught a glimpse of an unknown address but had posted them all before he remembered what he'd seen .  He'd have to talk with Aoife later. His mind refocussed on Niall. as the clock ticked on in the  otherwise silent room.

"Horan Family?" The doctor stood there, still in his surgical gown, his mask pulled down to his neck. He looked totally exhausted.

"How is he. How's Niall?" It was Liam who spoke, anxiety washing through every syllable