Fix me

Chapter 24

Amy was waiting patiently with curious eyes and her hands folded over the table. She was looked back and forth between me and her nephew, expecting.

“We’re us.” Hunter said, breaking the silence and saving me. “We’re together and that’s all there really is to It.” his voice held no doubts.

I wrapped my fingers around his under the table, showing my agreement and gratitude. He squeezed back lightly and my toes tingled.

Amy didn’t say anything for a moment, her eyes glued to Hunter’s face, checking for any signs that contradicted his sincerity. “I understand.” She said quietly. But she didn’t, not really. “Your uncle and I were just wondering. You’re a fine young lady, Violet. And I really mean that.”

I felt . . . guilty. And touched. She seemed to have already accepted me into their lives, like I had somehow proved myself. Only I hadn’t. And that was where the guilt came in. Hunter could do so much better than me. He could find someone else. Someone with less problems who will touch him, try for him, love him as much as I wished I could. And I couldn’t even fathom how lucky I was to have him. To have him not give up on me where others had.

Later, after we had eaten (I had never had better pancakes in my entire life. Amy had not been lying about the quality of the food here.), and when Hunter had gone to the bathroom, Amy finished sharing what was on her mind.

“Violet,” She said, looking a bit nervous. “I’m not his mother. I don’t have the right to say this. She should be here, doing this. But she’s not. And I am. And I love Hunter like he was my own son. I don’t want to see him get hurt any more than he already has. He had been through things tin his life that no adult should ever have to experience, much less a child.” She paused, her voice quivering as if she was about to cry, but held it in. “Just don’t hurt him, okay?”

I nodded. What else could I do? I looked at her, really looked at her. I saw nothing but worry and love for the boy that had sat next to me moments ago. Her eyes were interrogating, silently begging for something I could not make myself promise. I didn’t want to hurt Hunter. With everything my heart could carry, I didn’t want to hurt Hunter. But I couldn’t help thinking that I might. Because I didn’t know what could happen in our - my – future.

What if I didn’t get better? What if Jeremy did something else to push me right back to where I started? What if something did happen between us and I couldn’t handle it? Ididntknowididntknowididntknow. And it terrified me.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t promise I won’t hurt him.” I whispered my voice dry. Amy sat up straighter, looking down at me and I forced myself to keep eye contact; she deserved that much from me. “But I can promise that I will try.” I took a breath, curling my fingers around my linen napkin. “I want . . . to be with him. I’ve never felt that way with anyone before. And it scared me. But at the same time, amazes me. The things I feel for your nephew . . . it makes me want to scream and tear my hair out and embrace it all at once. And I just don’t know what to do other than try.”

She looked at me. I felt naked under her stare and I was instantly reminded of the time her son seemed to see right through me, into my deepest secrets and fears. Just when I thought she wouldn’t accept my answer, it wasn’t good enough for her, I wasn’t good enough for her, she nodded. “I understand.”

My eyes widened with surprise. “You do?” I asked.

“I understand that ever since you came into Hunter’s life, he’s changed. He was so sad. Everything that gapped with his dad, dealing with that for nearly seventeen years . . . it would be enough to send anyone spiraling down. I’ll admit, he was getting better since coming here, happier even. But when he started seeing you and caring for you . . . you saved his life.”