Internal| H.S.

{0.6}

5.2.15

        Its been a whole month since I've hung out with Harry, and I have the desire to hang out with him again. We've been talking through Instagram still, and the more we've talked, from what I can infer through text, his personality is beautiful.

     I truly enjoy our conversations... I just wish they were verbal. Face to face. You get my drift. So after work today and two of my classes, I vowed to myself that I would ask him to meet me at a walking park near my apartment Thursday. Since that is the only day it seems like I'm not busy.

    "Hey Aubrey?" Brielle yells from across the café. I huff out, this better be quick, my shift is basically over and I simply can't be late to another class. It's not a look good on me. Fits the stereotype as well. Something I'm not too happy about.

"Yes Brielle?" I shout back.

"Will you be a darling and bring your pretty little behind over here?" She asks over-sweetly.

I stroll over there, sighing. Once I get there my eyes widen. Why is here? Of all days. Looks like I'll be late. Again.

I don't move from my spot, my eyes never leaving Brielle's. I shoot her a glare.

"I uh, we didn't leave on good terms I feel at the bookstore, so after weeks of trying to get your number, then you not responding, I figured I'd surprise you at work." Zayn rambles out.

My facial expression never changes. Why is he so adamant about speaking with me? "Ah, well surprised I am." I reply coolly.

Brielle senses the tension, and I could tell her mission was to get out of this  as fast as she possibly could. I'd try to as well, but Zayn and I need to talk I suppose, I'm just not ready. He should know this.

She clears her throat, and quickly dismisses herself, making up a false reason to leave... something about needing to clean the dishes, when I just finished cleaning them. Not a good liar, that girl.

I slowly slide into the booth Zayn was currently occupying. I raise my eyebrows, "You wanted to talk, so let us talk." I get straight to the point, I'm not one to beat around the bush. Atleast, well, not with him. Our relationship was never like that.

"Right, well uh- hm. I didn't expect you to give into talking with me so easily, so I uh never really prepared to like know what I wanted to say." I chuckle slightly at that.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, twisting my finger in one of my curls.

"No I get it. Like I do. Don't think I don't. I just... look its been a long time, and I'm tired of this- I don't know. Everytime we talk I feel like... its just," He cuts himself off by grabbing his hair. He's stressing.

"Zayn." I say quietly. I feel my heart aching slightly, knowing I still stress him out.

He looks up at me, his hands moving to his neck.

"M'Sorry Aubrey. I just want us to go back to before."

"We can't." I say quickly, and he frowns even more. I realize that came out worse than I aimed for. "I mean, things are different now Zayn, we can't just ignore that. Trust me, I wish it wasn't so awkward and frustrating for me to be around you... but it is." I say honestly.

Its not right. Us. Zayn and I. Neither of us deserve to go through that again.

He sucks in a breath, and closes his eyes, his jaw just slightly clenching. "Aubrey, if I can forgive you... why can't you forgive me? I've been apologizing and trying to repair this," He motions his finger between us. "I've been trying so hard Bre. Why can't you just let your guard down, atleast once, and let me back in? Is it that hard?" He slams me questions.

I flinch at his tone of voice and the fact he used my nickname. I haven't heard come out of his mouth in so long... and to hear it now. Like nothing ever happened, with so many raw emotions were going through me, it felt wrong.

"Zayn, I have forgave you. Its just not as easy as you think! I need you- I need you to just get that I can-" I stop. I grab my chest and begin to start wheezing, the tears that were already threatning to spill, began to poor down my face.

    My body begins to jerk violently and my breathing begins to become even more ragged. Zayn yells for Brielle and runs to my side, sliding me in his lap, whispering endearing words in my ear, and smoothing my unruly hair.

    Brielle comes to my side in a rush, but very calm. "Aubrey, its okay. Calm down!" She says calmly.

    "Zayn, what did you do?" She cries.

     "Nothing we were just talking and I-I don't know!" He grabs his hair. "One minute, she was yelling, then next minute... she started breaking down. What are we going to do? God, I'm sorry Aubrey!"  I could hear the concern in his voice.

    My vision began to clear, and Brielle started doing breaths with me. In and out, in and out, she kept repeating to me. Slowly, my breathing calmed and my tears stopped and I just laid my head down on Zayn's chest. My attack making me suddenly tired.

     "Good?" Brielle asked me, squatting down to my level. I nod my head, closing my eyes. Zayn rubs my head.

     I hear the door jingle and I open my eyes. Brielle quickly stands, "How may I help yo-" Then she suddenly stops.

    "Oh." Despite how tired I was feeling I shifted in Zayn's lap to see who, or what made her stop.

     My heart rate quickened again and I internally groaned. Today is just not my day.

      "Harry, what're... um what brings you here?" I ask, with a slight smile. He doesn't return it. His eyes shift between Zayn and I, and his eyes droop slightly... he doesn't think- no. We're just friends.

     "Um, well I was coming to see if you wanted to hang after work, but you seem to be pre-occupied." He says. Normally if it was anyone else, what he said wouldn't have bothered me, but his tone of his voice made me want to question if he was alright.

    "Oh, yeah... well I was going to see if you wanted to chill Thursday. If thats okay?" I ask. Zayn stiffens and stops rubbing my hair.

    "I'll think about it." Then he walks out.

~•••~

Hiiiiiiiii! How are you all? Hope you're alright. Love you all!! Thanks for the feedback I've been getting, even if it is somewhat small. 

                                  -KayUnwritten