you can't save me

thirty ; scream

i felt bad about the prior night, with lucas.

its not that i didn't want to have sex with him, it just reminded me so much of josh.

during free period, which i had with riley, lucas and farkle had different classes. me and riles headed to coffee bean, there was one right next to school, and we got 2 large iced hazelnut coffees then went back to school and went to the library to "study."

when we sat down riley said, "so have you had alot of panic attacks lately?"

i shook my head, no, and responded, "kinda, i don't know, just with stuff that reminds me of josh, they are pretty random, you know"

riley put her hand on my shoulder, reasurringly. and asked, "what made you have the panic attack last night?"

i nervously laughed, riley knowing me, giggled and shook her head, then asked jokingly, "you and lucas getting it on, huh?"

i shook my head, we continued to giggle, "it got really heated, then i started crying,"

she stopped laughing and said, "well do you want to... you know?"

i stopped laughing as well and said, "yeah, i love lucas, but im honestly scared i'll have a panic attack every time we try,"

she smiled and said, "well im sure lucas can wait,"

we started giggling again when i asked, "have you and farkle.... you know?"

she then smiled looking guilty i then said slightly yelling, "what?? and you didn't tell me, how scandalous,"

we started laughing, when we got interrupted by the bell ringing.

after school

lucas had just gotten home from picking us some chinese takeout.

i sighed and said, "pretty little liars is really pissing me off with spaleb like where the fuck-" lucas interrupted me, finishing my sentence he said, "is haleb?"

i laughed and pecked him on the lips then he turned pretty little liars on.

after we finished eating our food, i fell asleep on lucas.

mayas dream

josh was forcing me to have sex with him, and when i kept screaming he started hitting me,

lucas came in and said, "what the fuck? you'll have sex with him but not with me, you're such a whore!"

they started hitting me together, me continuing to scream,

mayas dream over

lucas started shaking my shoulders, i woke up with a tear stained face and a frantic lucas, i heard someone screming then i realized the person screaming was me.

i shut my mouth and lucas asked, "are you okay? what happened?"

i shook my head, whipping my tears off, "i just had a nightmare thats all,"

he rolled his eyes, because i didn't completely answer his question, and said, "about what?"

i shook my head again, and said, "josh, i just keep remembering stuff im fine, im with you its all alright,"

he sighed and hugged me.

-

hey guys !!

i have a bunch of homework smh

i read like three books over spring break lol

gotta go binge watch season one of pll

goodnight !

-

sophie <3