Lonely Life ~A Kellin Quinn Fanfiction~

Loneliness

-Two things!
1: Trigger Warning!
2: I didn't feel like writing out the whole visit so sorry.-

I had visited Jasmine. Things didn't go well... She was angry at me. Mad I changed, mad I never visited, mad I like the things I like. She thought I was selfish. We ended up in this huge argument before she made me leave. So now, I'm walking home. I already know that Tyler went home, and Kellin's off writing songs with a friend.

I finally get home, still crying over the situation at Jasmine's house.

I walk in, closing the door behind me. I immediately walk up to my room, plopping down on the bed. I pull the cover over me. I bring my pillow into my arms, hugging it. I stuff my face in it, crying harder by the second.

I end up getting so fed up. I grab my phone, hooking it up to the speaker in my room. I put on some BMTH, blaring it as loud as the speaker goes. I sit back down, putting my hair in a ponytail as I cry.

I slowly start scratching my arms as I cry into my knees. I stand up, walking into the bathroom. I close the door behind me, locking it. Then, I sit on the side of the bathtub, crying still. I can't just cry it off...

It's so hard to just calm myself... I wait for a few minutes, only to see if I can calm down. But it doesn't work. It's stupid how something so small can lead to this...

I see how dark it's getting outside. I sigh, and open the drawer in the bathroom.

I pick up one of the blades, and close the drawer back. I look at it, moving it around in my hand. Then, after a few minutes of doing this, I adjust it in my hand. I stand at the sink, and bring it to my skin slightly.

I feel the cold, thin line of it, teasing at the scarred wrist on my skin. I look up in the mirror into my eyes. I glare at myself, out of disgust. Before I knew it, my arm is bleeding into the sink. I already regret what I'm doing, but I can't just stop.

I do it over and over again, thinking about everything I hate, and everybody that hates me. Quite honestly, that's a lot of people. All I have is Kellin and Tyler. But they'd be so much better without me... Kellin doesn't act like it, but without me, there would be so much less worrying. Less checking up on someone constantly because all they ever do is fucking get hurt!

After doing this for a few minutes, I begin to realize my music is off, when I hear a knock on my door.

Shit...

I quickly grab toilet paper, wrapping it around my arm. I pull my sleeve down quickly. "Y-Yes??"

"Hey.. I wanted to check on you. How did things go? Or... Can I come in?" I could hear him yelling, through my bedroom door. My bathroom is attatched to my room. So both doors are shut. I unlock the bathroom door, and quickly rinse out the sink. I throw the blade into the drawer and shut the door. I open my bedroom door, faking a smile.

"Y-Yeah c-come on in..." I try to stay calm, and he immediately notices my arm. I look downto see that the blood was evident.

"Dammit... I-I must have got a scratch." I try to act like I didn't know what it is.

Before I can run to the bathroom, Kellin grabs my upper arm. Gently, he rolls up my sweater sleeve. The tissue fell out, soaked red. He just stares, expressionless for a moment. Then, he looks up from my arm and hugs me with watery eyes.

"I told you... If you ever felt like doing this, come talk to me... Why didn't you come to me?" He rests his chin on my head.

"I didn't want to bother you..." I end up crying again.

"Chassity. If you had told me this, I would have dropped whatever I was doing to help you." He sighs and continues to keep hugging me.

"That's the point... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me." I say in between cries.

"But I would." He pulls away to look at me. "Look. I told you before. Please, talk to me about these things... I understand. I want to help in any way I can. What made you like this right now?" He keeps staring.

"Nothing... Assholes. That's it." I look away, staring at my feet.

"No. I mean in general. What caused you to feel like this overall?" He gently pulls my sleeve back down.

"Oh I don't know... Maybe the fact I have no real family. Nobody really gives a shit though. I'm just the fuck up daughter my parents would be afraid to leave the house with anyways." I plop down on the bed behind us, curling up into a ball. He sits down beside me, patting me on the back lightly.

"But I'm here now. I'm not going to leave, okay? You can bet on that. I worry and I do give a shit. I don't want someone else to put you in danger. But you're putting yourself into danger..." He sighs and pulls me into a hug from beside.

I wipe my eyes a bit, and hug back. "Thanks." I give him an actual smile, getting one in return.