What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 43

What if?

What if I need to stop worrying and thinking about the years ahead? What if I just need to stop getting lost in thought and live for the moment? What I need to just stop worrying about Sophie and Peeta and realise the safety that came nearly two years ago now? What if its time I just accept the peace and not be so prepared for the worst?

What if? What if? What if....

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I sit perched on a rock, overlooking the meadow and the series of trees beyond it. The sun is peaking up from behind the trees, the sky turning a glow of orange in greeting to the morning rise. I came here early in the morning before anyone was awake, just to escape for a while. The past week has been so crazy I felt I had to escape at some point. Johanna and Annie left yesterday, after deciding on Saturday to stay for a few days more. Johanna was going when Annie was, she said she'd rather not ride the train alone. Finn and Sophie have become great friends, spent most of their time together playing with toys and running around the backyard. Johanna, Annie and I however spent most of our time exploring the district, which honestly I haven't done yet. Not since they have built almost every building new. It's nothing compared to the capitol which in some ways is slightly relieving. Peeta's birthday was also celebrated as it falls only a few days after mine.

(IF YOU KNOW HIS REAL BIRTHDAY PLEASE TELL ME BECAUSE I GOOGLED IT AND GOT NOTHING :-( .)

I bought him a beautiful paint set and some baking supplies. He was thrilled even though it was nothing compared to what he got me. Everyone came over for his birthday to the house for cake. I was glad to see him grinning throughout the whole thing and felt like I had succeeded at making his birthday a day to remember. I continue now to watch the sun come up over the trees. It feels good to finally come back to the woods, knowing I haven't been here in months. Peeta stayed over last night so I know he will assume I've come here when he awakes. I couldn't leave Sophie at home alone but she trusts Peeta so I knew this morning when I awoke she wouldn't be scared. Johanna was right when she said she has warmed up to her. She has, I can tell she is beginning to see him as her father as she sees me in the mother role. Moments when she calls me mummy makes me dread even more the day that comes when I tell her we are not her family, that her mother is out there somewhere awaiting the day she comes home. That day will be hard, because I have no fully true reason why she was left with me. No real information to turn into an explanation. And that's what's going to be the struggle. I stand up from the rock and after grabbing my game bag by my feet begin my walk back to the village. The bag is light, as it contains nothing yet. I stop by the market and fill the game bag with liquor and all kinds of alcoholic poisons. Not for me, but for my drunken mentor. I owe him more than my life and the only thing he accepts as payment is alcohol. I always feel bad, as if this deal of ours is encouraging his drinking. But I've seen him without alcohol running through his blood, seen how being fully alert in the real world effects him mentally and physically. But he's getting better, he is sober around Sophie and slowing his intake of the stuff everyday. It's little steps, but these little steps are slowly expanding his life and taking back the years that the dreadful alcohol have taken off him over the years. Effie has had a large effect on him, slowly nursing him back to a healthy lifestyle. She knows this deal between us and though she doesn't agree with it, she doesn't interfere. When I reach the village I glance up at my bedroom to find the curtains still closed, alerting me that Peeta still remains asleep. The curtains move slowly with the breeze as the window is creaked slightly open. I turn away and approach Haymitch and Effie's house, not allowing myself to hesitate before walking in. I slip off my shoes and enter the living room to find Haymitch in his usual spot, his armchair in which he was slumped in after the announcement of the quarter quell. He says half yawning