Colors

XXXIII : I Remembered

"Roger that," he took out the red pencil color.

We worked for less than thirty seconds in silence before he finally asked,

"Jinhee-yah,"

"Yeah?"

"Despite 7 million colors being visible to the human eye, and 48 of your color pencils available for you to use, why are you only using the black, white, and red ones?"

I looked down and tried to think of the answer. I clearly remembered starting this work when I was a total mess after him leaving.

I don't know. 

Maybe because black is my dark days lacking you,white is all the emptiness I felt,and red... 

Is the color of my bleeding conscience? 

As I don't want to let him down knowing those agonizing and painful reasons, I kept those answers to myself. And all I said was,

"You want me to start using other colors too?"

He touched my hand, stopping it from coloring. He then stared into my eyes, so deeply I felt it penetrate into my soul, 

"As much as I want you to start opening your heart, to the fact that you have many other people who loves you and cares about you, and that it's not only me." 

I froze as I am not able to give him an answer to that. I hate lying. But I hated disappointing him even more.

The bad old fear came back, the damned fear I despised so much. It has been long since it crept its way back to my heart, but then here it was. My chest felt heavy, taking in air became slightly difficult. I could feel my eyes moisten.

I'm not letting you win, you little shit.

"Y-yah, Park Jimin!" I said in a louder voice, trying to lift the atmosphere up and blinking a couple of times.

"What?"

"We're not shooting a drama or anything!" I laughed, or at least pretended to.

Jimin's eyes widened and he said nothing for a couple of seconds before finally chuckling at me.

"So, what other colors should we use?"

"Well, pink is a good start."

-

We were done with the drawing and it was almost ten o'clock. Jimin's parents were visiting a friend's wedding back in Busan and will not be coming home for the night. The rain had not ceased even for a little bit, and only got stronger that it was almost a storm.

"You sure you can go home in this kind of rain?" Jimin brushed the curtain aside, getting a look at the rain outside, "You know, you can always stay here."

"I don't know," I sighed, "I'll try calling home."

I reached for my phone and dialed my home. Waiting for someone to pick up the phone, my fingers rhythmically tapped the dining table.

"Lee Jinhee, dear?" my mom's voice was heard from the other line.

"Mom, is dad going to pick me up at Jimin's?"

"Well, here's the thing" she paused, "Your dad had to do something urgent at work and didn't know when he would be done."

"So?" I asked, Jimin and Jisang eagerly watching my conversation and waiting for details.

"Can you stay there for the night?"

"Uh wait," I lowered the phone down, and mouthed to Jimin and Jisang, "Can I sleep here?"