Scomiche - Secret Diary of a Fangirl

13. Crash Diet

"Not this again" *sigh*

"Don't sigh at me, and yes, this again and again and again until you figure it out. The fact that we're going through this cycle for about the twentieth time in the four years you've been working for Scott should say something. You have to tell him."

God, I want to argue. I REALLY want to argue. It's my defense mechanism, but it's Ava and her bullshít meter is pretty on point. Still, I don't know why everyone is always so worried about me and my relationship with Scott. Ok, yes I do but it's none of their business. I'm perfectly fine.

"Hell no. There is no reason to rock a perfectly stable boat. We're floating along just fine, thank you very much."

"Mitch... "

"What? We are."

"I wouldn't call it stable OR floating. You're in limbo land. Your boat has capsized and you're just drifting in the middle of the ocean."

"Am not." Perfectly effective comeback since kindergarten. I'm handling this wonderfully.

"You are. Look, you don't want to move in with him, he doesn't want you to move anywhere else... You haven't looked at a place without him until TODAY. Every place you look at he deliberately finds any tiny detail that could be wrong and convinces you that every.single.place isn't right for you and you LET him. You did the same thing yourself today!"

"That's not true!" It's not. OK, maybe it is but it isn't because of Scott. They just weren't right. Honest.

"Mitchy."

No..... she's giving me the 'quit your bullshít' face and I know she's right. Of COURSE i know she's right, but I can't tell HER that. Besides, all of this is completely involuntary. Scott's like a sorcerer and I'm just under his spell. Not my fault at all. Think she'll believe that? She is a fangirl at heart... so maybe?

Alright, alright I give. *sigh* Doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Ok, I'll admit I give in to him sometimes, but what am I supposed to do? You know I have trouble saying no to him." It's not THAT big of a deal.

"It's time to make a decision, babe. It's been FOUR years and how many boyfriends have you had in those four years?"

Ok, low blow. Just hit me while I'm down why don't you. I don't even feel guilty about rolling my eyes. "Two."

"And those lasted... what two, two and a half months a piece?"

Now she's just being cruel. "Is there a point to making me feel like shít?"

"Yes. You've spent four years working for Scott and I know it's been fun and you're literally living the dream of every fangirl in the world, but ... you can't keep doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"Mitchy, you can't spend the rest of your life in love with a man who isn't committed to you."

Don't sugar coat it or anything...

"I'm working on it, ok? I even said no to moving in with him."

"No, you keep saying 'you'll think about it.' That's not 'no'. Saying 'no' would be saying no."

Look, I know she's right, and I know I can't do this forever, but ... I don't know what to do about it. Ok, maybe I do but... I can't.

"You have to tell him how you feel."

"You know I can't!"

'Why!? What on Earth could POSSIBLY be stopping you this time?"