Everyday is like a song on repeat. Not a happy song, I know that for sure.
Honestly, it's tiring. Everything is tiring. I want everything to stop. Time is moving too fast, and too slow at the same time, and I just can't seem to put my thoughts into place.I feel confused, to the point where I don't know what I'm confused about.This bothers me. A lot of things bother me, but at the same time I couldn't be asked to care. Truly speaking, I don't care, but why do these little things get to me?
I notice every detail about people and everything in general, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's annoying to see people feel proud of themselves for the littlest of things, or when I see people being so unaware of how annoying their presence, and to put it simply, their existence is. I can almost instinctively tell whether someone is going to bother me or not, simply by looking at their face and noticing simple manerisms, like the way one talks or the way one breathes.
I can tell how someone feels easily, just from the vibe I get from them, their body language and facial expressions, breathing patterns, and what direction they are facing,everything.Yet sometimes, I choose to act oblivious on purpose, just to make things more fun for myself.Although I'm guilty about it, I like it at the same time. I like hurting people and it's obviously not a good thing, I feel guilty about it. But honestly, it's for a "good" cause.
Pain is the only strategy I can use to wake those people up, from that happy state of mind they call "reality". No,they are wrong, reality is far from happy. And the only way people are happy is by being oblivious, oblivious to the rough and cruel world they live in. The evil surrounding them.The sadness surrounding them.
Happy people are stupid and arrogant, for only caring about themselves,for not noticing the ache in other people's hearts.I hate Stupid people.
That's how I feel anyway. This ability to notice how other people feel or to notice things around you, is what makes people feel so stressed. To the point where they feel inhuman.
The saddest things of all, is noticing all the bad things about yourself.To the point where the good things about you are eaten away and are meaningless.Self hatred is strong. It's like the word hate suddenly has a physical form,and it decides to beat you to a pulp, to throw punches at you,and kick you where it hurts the most. It's like a bully, but only that the bully is you yourself.
My name is Min Yoongi, and I hate myself and everything surrounding me.I don't blame anything that happens to me on others.Instead I take the blame for everything myself. I am a mistake. But this doesn't change the fact that I strongly dislike people with the exception of a few.People are annoying. I don't care if nobody understands me. It's me afterall, so there's no need for me to be understood.It's ok as long as I understand myself....but I don't.
