The FanFair

The Story of How I Published & Puked

Once Upon A Time... (The Story of How I Published & Puked)
by dirtyyarn

I threw up.

The first time I hit 'publish' on Wattpad, I threw up.

The complete rush of hot, adrenaline-fueled fear and excitement was overpowering and the experience ended with my head hanging over the big, white bowl and tears streaming down my cheeks. I know, it all sounds very dramatic. That wasn't the end of the experience. It wasn't the beginning either.

Once upon a time... (I know, stop)

I fancied writing a book. Not the 'great american novel,' just a solid entertaining and engaging story. Something that I would want to read, a little romance, some decent smut, you know. I had a few terrific teachers that inspired and encouraged me. Sadly, it didn't happen, although other good things did, and I shoved the dream down deep and threw some blankets over top so I wasn't tempted to peek. What I did do, was help other writers. I started editing as a way to make some cash in college. I have this freaky itch to fix things, especially written words. Words are so powerful and when well organized, they have the ability to change the world. So I put my personal desires aside and helped others perfect their work, although I did write a killer letter to the city one time about the neighbor's over-run and odiferous back yard, but I digress.

Time passed and I finished college, got a real job, read voraciously, and kept editing on the side here and there. Fast-forward to when my curiosity about fanfiction set in and I logged online to see what the hoopla was all about. After scoping out a few other websites, I discovered Wattpad, I lurked, I read. I never left a comment and voting was a complete mystery. Eventually I came out of my shell and WP became interactive. I was commenting, and chatting, and I learned to vote. Voting is important! I actually made a few friends. (hi friends- *waves*)

The friends I made were all writing their own stories; I was not. I wanted them to write faster. You know the excited readers that comment, "Update soon, please! Can't wait for the next chapter!" Yeah, that was me. Okay, that's still me. I think they were a bit annoyed, if I'm honest with myself. They started egging me on. "You need to write something." But I don't write, I edit; I can't write. "Do a one-shot," one of them pushed. She wasn't going to let it go. "Just 1500 words, down and dirty, fun and sexy." My friend had thrown down the gauntlet. Everyone jumped in. Ideas were brainstormed, and I chose the most palatable of the offerings- Pizza Delivery Guy. (pun intended)

The original plan was that this was to remain private, just between me and them, an experiment. Somehow it was decided that I would post it on WP. That part is a little fuzzy; I probably blocked it due to trauma. I knew it was possible that other people would see it there, all naked and exposed. My thoughts were from two camps: what if no one read it, or worse, what if someone did. What if people read it and hated it and threw imaginary tomatoes?

I couldn't write the one-shot. It was an epic failure. Truly, I tried to write 1500 words, but then it was 3000, and then it was 5000. So I decided it would be a short story and I would write five parts. I was relieved. It was a good compromise; I could indulge my word vomit and still get in and out without making a huge commitment. Then something unexpected happened. The characters became people, I got to know them. Suddenly they had a will of their own. Low and behold, I was having fun. I wanted to write! It was no longer a challenge to prove that I could construct my own story rather than polish someone else's; it became a pleasure and it felt good. Best of all, I wasn't alone. I had these other writers cheering me on. Okay, sometimes they were goading me on, but that's semantics. They helped me choose a title and create a book cover. Miraculously, 'Delivery' went live. That's when I puked. I was too embarrassed to cop to that at the time, so I'll just tell the whole world now.

It's been a couple of months since I birthed that first chapter. The 15th installment was posted two nights ago. 'Delivery' has been viewed over 5000 times. What?! Unbelieveable! People seem to be enjoying the story. I mean, they're reading it, although I am a rotten self-editor and find mistakes I've missed all the time. Look, nobody is perfect.

'Delivery' is an Alternative Universe fanfic featuring Harry Styles. Of course as an AU, there is no One Direction in this story. Instead, Harry is a 24 year old graduate student studying for his master's degree in business and buying into an expanding organic restaurant. With intense determination, he pursues a former professor who is ten years his senior. She has a violent past and a nasty ex-husband. Harry finds himself pulled into her battle to free herself from the past. Harry is prepared to fight for what he wants, and in this case, he wants Professor M.

I have quite a few things planned for 'Delivery.' Hopefully readers will continue to follow the story and love it as much as I do. I get a tingle every time someone votes or comments on the book; I like making people happy. The most important thing here, is that I am making ME happy. If no one ever reads another word that I write, I will have still done something exciting and meaningful for myself. I am throwing back the blankets and digging up my lost dream. So although I still have fits of nausea and panic with each tap of the 'publish' tab, I will continue, because it's fun and thrilling. It makes me feel good, and I'm not ready for the story to end.

Have you ever been afraid to post a story?
Did you in the end?