Knife Edge

Knife Edge - chapter 15

The mirrors told the tale.

Ella was surrounded with visions of her new self; her new persona.

What she saw had taken her breath away at first. She had built up her expectations to fever pitch but the reality was just breathtaking. It just swept away her rational, questioning and analytical self in a rush of self-love. It was pure emotion. If you could have transformed emotional satisfaction into a high potency drug, Ella would have mainlined.

She was, quite simply, beautiful. And yet she recognised herself. She stood there in the white room full of mirrors, just turning and turning about. She registered others in the room. She heard Startz’s voice but she wasn’t listening.

Instead, she was back in her room at Winfield with the spring sunshine slanting in through the narrow windows, staring into the halo of her pure white candle. White for purity. White for love. White for spiritual regeneration. White for perfection. ‘Make me beautiful...make me beautiful...’ The old incantation came to her lips as she gazed on the symmetry of her face, with its pronounced cheek bones, perfect mouth and large, luminous eyes; and on down to her lean, sculpted body. A body that women would die for, Startz had said. He had been right.

‘This is the moment, Ella,’ Startz was murmuring as he stood quietly in the background watching her. ‘This makes the whole job worthwhile. This is why I went into this business. It’s about the search for perfection. It’s a spiritual moment, Ella. Thank you for letting me share it with you.’

She spun around and walked over to him. Then she leaned forward and kissed him gently.

‘No, it’s me who should be thanking you, Tom. I just don’t know what to say. I cannot believe it’s me. God, that must sound so trite and clichéd. How many people have said those words to you? Tom, I really, really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for everything. It was worth every dollar.’

Startz gazed at her fondly. ‘You’re not just another patient to me, you know that don’t you.’

She nodded.

‘There has been a huge hole in my life since my sister’s illness,’ he continued. ‘In some small way I believe I have recaptured the excitement I first felt when I transformed Holly. I want to thank you for that. It’s funny. I don’t really want to let you go, although I know I must. I can’t wait to see the back of some of my patients. But, you are different. I think I must be in love with you.’ He smiled at her.

Ella smiled back, a little uncertainly. She was extremely fond of the surgeon, but wasn’t quite sure if he intended her to take him literally.

‘I love you too, Tom, like a brother. I can never take Holly’s place, but I’d really like to remain friends.’

Startz looked momentarily disappointed as if this wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for. He started to say something, then thought better of it, instead taking a step towards the door.

‘And tomorrow, you will be my guest for lunch, at the newest and swankiest eatery in Los Angeles. Tonight, you make your debut. You are about to re-enter the world.’ Startz held his arm out for her, gently touching her shoulder as she left the room.

‘I’m scared, Tom,’ she confessed.

‘What are you worried about? You’ll knock’em dead. You’re centrefold material, but with brains, intelligence and money. You’ll have every shark from here to Rio swimming around after you.’ He paused then continued as they walked together along the pastel-tinted corridor towards her room. ‘What about Ed?’ he asked her, glancing at her quickly and somewhat nervously. ‘I was intrigued and, frankly, stunned when you first told me the story of this guy you love who ended up in a catatonic stupor. The similarity to Holly’s situation is just, well, freaky, except that you and Ed are not family; it’s a different kind of relationship. How do you feel about him now?’

Ella did not answer at first. The question had caught her off guard.

‘Funny you should ask,’ she said after a moment. ‘I’ve been giving it a lot of thought recently. I always believed that Ed was the only person I could ever love. It’s crazy really. We’ve never even, you know. But we sort of touched each other somewhere deep inside. I’ve never really got over it. But now, somehow, it all seems so long ago, a different world. I’m just confused. I mean, it’s hopeless really isn’t it? As I am now. As he is now. There is no future is there? And yet, there is still this ache, you know. Maybe I should go and see him. Could be for the last time.’

‘You could be right,’ Startz said. ‘You’ve got a new life ahead of you now. If Ed is a vegetable, like poor Holly, then, whatever you feel for him does belong to another time, another you. Could be the moment has come to let go.’

She did not reply. Her feelings were unstable. Her normally precise mind was unable to reach a decision. Except that she would see Ed soon. She had to. If he still showed no sign of escaping from his subconscious prison, then perhaps she would just have to bow to the inevitable.