Knife Edge

Knife Edge - chapter 13

The days and nights began to pass in a blur of timeless experiences for Ella. She had given up her body. She had no control anymore. Her flesh and bone and tissue were being altered; in some cases radically in other cases subtly. She welcomed the change. She had become subdued and pleasurably conditioned by the routine.

On the occasions she thought about her future it was an endless ribbon of blank tape. She thought about Ed and whether her love for him was real or just an accumulation of emotions conditioned by circumstances. Was there any future in such a relationship? She had had no contact with the hospital for months. Maybe Ed had recovered. If he had, would he still feel the same way about her? Maybe he had woken up one day, got himself dressed and left, having forgotten even her name. Was the whole thing with Ed just a delusion? And if she walked out of Heaven’s Gate looking like an angel on heat, would he even recognise her? Too many questions. Only one thing seemed certain. Part of the motivation to go through with this transformation was because of Ed. Somehow her addled mind must have convinced itself that if she could be reborn, then so could he. What a ludicrous idea! She would just have to wait and see. If it became unlikely or impossible for Ed to show any improvement or even recover, then perhaps she should just try to forget him. After all, if things went according to plan, she would be beautiful as well as rich.

Startz was delighted with her and with his work. She was now entering the final phase when she would start to prepare herself to re-enter the world. She had still not seen herself. That was because there were a few more minor operations to be carried out. She also inhabited a section of the complex that was completely without mirrors. She knew there would be a grand unveiling in a room bedecked with them, reflecting her new self a hundredfold.

Meanwhile, she worked out. The gymnasium was large and well equipped. The weight training machines were constructed of dull black non-reflective steel. She sweated and stretched and boxed. Her favourite exercise was the trampoline. She loved the exhilaration of it and the feeling of weightlessness and freedom.

Part of her was amused also. She was changing in more ways than one. She had never, in her entire life, been the slightest bit sporty. Now she had put on a little body weight and greatly improved her muscle tone. Regular massage and swimming sessions completed the regime. Towards the end of her stay she began to receive regular beauty therapy, deeply toning and relaxing her. If her parents could only see her now: but of course they would, when the butterfly eventually emerged from its techno chrysalis. A week or so before her graduation day, as the staff liked to call her unveiling, Thomas Startz came to see her. Ella was relaxing after a strenuous trampoline session. He seemed unusually pensive and looked at her with a tender concern she found slightly unnerving, although not unwelcome. He’s aged a little, she thought. Shame a great surgeon can’t operate upon himself to smooth away some of the worry lines.

Startz stood looking at her with a strange expression.

‘What’s the matter, Tom? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,’ she asked.

‘Oh, nothing, I just found myself near the gym so I thought I’d pop in. Not long now and you’ll be on your way. You know, it never ceases to surprise me how people change in themselves when they change the way they look.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re a different person, Ella. Even though you haven’t actually seen the extent of your facial improvements, you’ve seen your body. You look great. In fact, you look fantastic. And you’re more confident already. I only wish...’

‘I’ve been careful not to mention...’

‘I know,’ he said and his face looked grave suddenly. ‘Nobody around here has mentioned Holly. But it’s okay. I’m over the worst now. It’s just that you can’t imagine what it’s like seeing someone you love dearly enduring a kind of living death. I’ve scared myself since it happened. I didn’t know I had so much hate and desire for revenge inside me. It’s terrifying.’

Ella was silent. Startz had spoken little till now about his sister, and she had seldom mentioned Ed’s name to anyone. But now, watching the surgeon’s bottled up misery seeping out of his soul, still not knowing about the unfortunate Ed or whether her feelings for him were real, she just had to tell someone. She could picture Ed as clear as day, lying in the hospital bed, wired up to his computer minder, and all the old emotions came flooding back. It really was hopeless. Maybe she should just forget about him and start all over again.

Startz was sympathetic. He had had little idea of her tragic circumstances. It was remarkable that two people whom they both cared about deeply were both trapped in mental prisons, unable to escape. It was synchronicity in action. Startz didn’t know what to make of it, but his heart went out to Ella.

‘You’re very special to me, you know,’ he told her. ‘The moment I saw you in the nightclub it was like opposite poles attracting. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t a sex thing. It was more than that. I suppose I kind of visualised your utter transformation. I superimposed Holly’s face onto yours. Of course, you’re nothing like her, but believe me when I tell you that you are beautiful. I can’t wait to show you,’ he paused. ‘Holly’s predicament has made me think. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I’ve been thinking about getting out of all this.’ He looked around the room. ‘I was talking to Holly about it when – when it happened. Maybe I’ll franchise the whole thing and go and do something else with my life. Maybe I’ll fall in love and get married,’ he laughed bitterly. ‘And you. What about you? There’s a guy you love in a coma with no guarantee he’ll ever come out of it. So, what will you do? You’ve got money, brains and looks. The world is your oyster. You can do nearly anything you want, go where you want to go, love who you want to love.’

‘Looks like it’s decision time for both of us,’ Ella found herself suddenly feeling quite sorry for this man who had, quite literally, changed her life. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Maybe it will just come to me when I see the outside world again. I feel like I’ve been locked away in some remote Tibetan monastery by an order of high priests and priestesses. A year ago I couldn’t possibly have visualised being in a place like this. Maybe there is no point making endless plans for our future. How many people know what they’re going to do or what’s going to happen to them?’

She looked up at him. There was an odd look in his eye. The room had darkened as the fading sunlight dimmed the ceiling level windows.

‘How about you? What will you do?’

‘I know what I’d like to do,’ he replied.

‘What’s that?’

‘I’d like to get that fat bastard Rainbow onto an operating table. That’s what I might do with my time. Find him and destroy him. Vengeance is such a sweet emotion. I hadn’t realised how sweet.’

‘That won’t bring Holly back,’ Ella said.

‘Maybe not,’ said Startz. ‘But that’s not the point. Holly and Ed may suddenly wake up one day as if nothing had happened. But you and I know what happened. You haven’t told me the whole story about Ed, and I don’t want you to. I’m being selfish here. I know something really bad happened to Ed but I don’t want to dilute my hatred of that Deadhead freak who destroyed my sister. He deserves to experience living death. And that’s exactly what he would experience if I ever got my hands on him. And my God, wouldn’t I enjoy it.’

Ella noticed then, as she rose to take a shower, that a small trickle of blood was running down and along Startz’s wrist. His fist was tightly clenched and there was a demonic look in his eye. Ella felt suddenly frightened in the face of such inner hate.

‘I’m going for a shower, Tom,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you later.’